Seize the day, for you never can tell when you’ll have another chance. That’s what the great Roman poet Quintus Horatius Flaccus, or Horace, is claimed to have said. More precisely, Horace wrote,
Spem longam reseces. Dum loquimur,
fugerit invida
Aetas: carpe diem, quam minimum
credula postero.
Which translates loosely as,
“Set aside faraway hopes. Even as we speak, time is running away from us. So seize the day and the moment, and don’t put your faith in the future.”
I think that’s pretty good advice for procrastinators (like me), good advice for everyone. Horace is probably better known today for the two-word phrase “carpe diem” or ‘seize the day’ than for the thousands of lines of verse that he wrote, or more accurately survives today.
I won’t go into too much details as apparently my blog writing tends to be slightly too long. But personal good deeds a plenty appeared to flow through like a man possessed.
Vote NO to puppy farming…
I scored points for supporting the Oscar’s Law cause, by plastering the handouts on the notice boards at work and on my FB page, and in my last Karmic Post.
But seeing as Rose was the initiator and inspiration,
Maybe just 5 points
Yes, Carpe Diem, I faced my Demon Boss!!!
I faced my DEMON boss and a few other personal demons during the week, does that count for Karma?
I also continued my push to be an appreciated boss and consoled 3 different staff members following family issues, again, I think that’s Karma points as I am an accountant not a counsellor, so, because I get paid to be a boss but not necessarily to be nice, well
Maybe 5 points?
To Meetup or Not to Meetup, that is the Question?
This is not the Meetup Group I went too, too many empty jugs of beer…
Went to my first Meetup meeting and shared my magnificence with other Canberran’s (is that a word), again, I was nice to everyone, does that count or would it only count if I was nasty (as negatives)?
I suppose me getting off my butt (Carpe Diem), lots of good feelings, broke my procrastination loop, and
Zero points
So over to you Rose, I stand ready to tally… Procrastination circuit removed,
How did you do?
Capt. Savage
(‘aspice porro, aspice retro’ or ‘look forwards, look backwards’)
Who does American country and western better than the Japanese?
It has been ages since I have been out on the town looking to chat up women. Not that I haven’t wanted to, it’s just that in the past I’ve always hunted in packs, i.e. with other mates. Since my divorce I’ve relied on the tried and tested, introduced by a friend method and the other obvious alternative, the internet. Both haven’t been that successful, not that I haven’t been out on quite a few dates or haven’t ended up meeting someone who I ended up having a fling with. But that was the extent of it, taking women out for dates, trying to think of things to say over a glass of wine or dinner, or fitting in conversation at the movies.
I personally hate internet dating, it is so impersonal to be rejected before you even get to meet up. Or to go and have coffee or a glass of wine, just to see if we hit it off. In a way I long for the good old pre-internet night on the town with friends, talking to people but having others around with you (for support). I’ve never been comfortable just going out by myself on the prowl, but what alternative do I have with the majority of my friends all married or still bitter and twisted after their divorces, regardless none of them want to go out looking for women.
Now my best friend (who’s a girl by the way) thought of a different approach to ‘get back in the saddle’ so to speak. She thought it would be a great idea if we went out together and both tried to pick-up people with the express aim of collecting rejections. This was initially discussed as a kind of anti-internet dating experiment, and I’m pretty good at getting told where to go by women, so maybe this could work.
Yep I’ve had a few rejections in my time
So I agreed to this challenge and thought, why not? But I really hadn’t thought this through, or even started to understand how I’d cope with this, but more of that later. But my friend was very persuasive, and it sounded a great idea to have her there to fall back on after I’d received a slap in the face or been told where to go. I even sounded kind of sounded fun, to go out with the specific idea of seeking out rejections, rather than worrying about whether the women involved would say yes or no, just do it regardless.
The evening started off fine, I got dressed in what we had decided was my best woman hunting gear, see the picture below.
Would you go out with this man? Looks like an axe murder I think…
My friend was going to come and pick me up and we were going to have dinner first at a little Thai restaurant not far from our intended hunting site, which was to be the night club at the local Casino. Things went as planned, well maybe as expected. She was late (as usual), but not that it really mattered, as a leopard can’t really change her spots (oh I’m going to cop it for that one).
The restaurant was fine, if a bit noisy (or maybe I’m just going deaf). We sat and discussed tactics for the night, and the general things we normally chat about. This felt very reassuring, to be with a close friend, relaxing over dinner, I almost felt keen to get going.
But then the first hiccup, the nightclub at our chosen venue wasn’t open on Friday nights (so much for our extensive research). So a bit of hurried discussion and we decided to head for an Irish pub not far from the Casino called King O’Malley’s, which always has a band on Friday nights.
A Typical Friday night at King O’Malley’s
So we arrived, me in my fake leather jacket and the coolest looks I could muster, and my friend who was ready for a night on the prowl. Shock horror as I walked into the place all of my bravado and confidence evaporated like sweat on the brow of a condemned man. While my friend started off the game like a polished professional I found that I just couldn’t get started.
I realised that I hadn’t thought this through, that I was totally out of my comfort zone, didn’t even know where to start really. You see I’ve never gone out with the express purpose of getting rejected. I always sit there pondering which women is the least likely to reject me and end up asking them up for a dance or if they want a drink. This concept of asking anyone was just not my normal way, not even remotely. Secondly, I am just a little bit older than when I last went out chasing women, well nearly 20 years older, but who’s counting. Things have changed just a little since the 80’s and 90’s, just a little.
Strangely however the music hadn’t, the cover band on the night was playing music that could have come from my own CD collection (or even my records god forbid). Not that that was a bad thing, it wasn’t bad music and most people were on the dance floor having a good time.
Soon my friend and I were dancing and she was getting a bit pushy, trying to get me to keep up my end of the rejection equation. Soon it was 2 to nothing her way, not that my friend was getting rejected every time, she was actually 1-1, although the guy who said yes was definitely doing a bit of cougar chasing. But that’s understandable as my friend is a pretty good-looking women, so it was no surprise to me that she had leapt into the lead.
My usual targets… Although maybe not this creative with their clothing options…
So did I eventually get off my fat butt and go and ask someone to dance? Yes I did, and strangely enough she actually said yes, and it felt kind of good too.
Did I get rejected? Well Der, obviously, but not by the expected targets, by the women who in my past I would have seen as the easy marks. The one who said yes to a dance wasn’t too bad-looking at all, in my past life she would have been the one I wouldn’t have asked (for fear of rejection).
So did I have a good time? Yes I did in the end, once Rose had cajoled, prodded, pushed, and embarrassed me into doing something.
And will I be doing this experiment again? Yes can’t wait, bring it on, although I’m not sure how I’m going to get home if my partner in crime is as successful as she was, I think I could end up getting a taxi alone… But what the hell, I am sure I will have had a good time regardless.
What was the eventual score? Rose 3 -1 (that I know about) and me 3-2, that’s 3 attempts to 2 rejections.
Capt. Savage
(Thanks Rose for sticking with me!!! And saying I’m good-looking! I need to borrow your rose-coloured glasses)
This would have been me dancing at King O’Malley’s, if I’d remembered to get someone to take a picture…
I have been doing some research in preparation for the Great Dating Challenge!!!
The WHAT? I hear you saying… well Rose from butimbeautiful (my best mate) and I, are about to hit the bars, clubs and other venues around where we live in search of the Worst Rejection Lines of All Time. Well actually Rose has generously offered to lead me, kicking and screaming, out in search of dates. And purely for altruist reasons (to show her support for the cause) she is also going to be putting herself out there in search of males…
All this research also revealed another Top 10 article ‘Things you should never say to a woman’ which I will post shortly and be using with during Rose and my little dating social experiment. It contains 10 hints of what blokes should say to girls to prevent themselves from seeming too keen or interested. And yes I’ll admit that I’ve sometimes fallen into bad habits and used a few of them, with generally bad effects not good.
But I am warning you, unfortunately it’s one of those advertising ridden, you must read each point, one page at a time, articles which personally drive me nuts… So below I’ve republished it, with a Capt. Savage flavour, minus all the advertising, links to online Casinos, X-rated video sites etc.
Now I’m guilty of using a number of these lines on women in the past, and until I read them all in this article I didn’t really appreciate how crappy they were, or sound. The main theme of this Top 10 is around not sounding ‘insecure’ or ‘indecisive’, women appreciate certainty, even if they are the ones providing it.
And let me know if you think avoiding these will improve my chances in the ‘Great Dating Challenge’ that Rose and I am about to embark on… And feel free to add any other tips and hints from your collective ‘Top 10’s’ bad lines from the past… I’d love to hear them J
So drumroll please… here are the 10 things you should NEVER say to a woman.
No. 10 – Anything Bad about Her Male Friends
Whew, I have religiously avoided this one, or tried to… Sometimes my friends seem compelled say this about some of my dates as well! They may have been right, but nobody likes to be told our friends (or other potential or ex-boyfriends) are crappy.
So I agree, one of the ways a woman marks you as “insecure” the fastest is if you starts making smart comments about her male friends, especially if you haven’t met them and don’t know her very well. So even if they are more than friends, you are only making yourself look like you are scared of competition from them, which to a woman screams “insecurity.” Best to just keep your mouth shut when they are mentioned and focus on your game instead.
No. 9 – ‘I’ll Call You Friday’
Ending a phone conversation with a “next step” is a good technique if you’re trying to sell someone something, but not when you are talking to a woman. First of all, you are killing any spontaneity by being predictable. Second, you are also killing any chances of her calling you, as she has to now wait for your call or risk looking desperate. Not good.
SO Okay, yes guilty as charged on this one… for some reason I feel compelled to try and pre-empt the next contact, and yes I agree it’s DUMB and makes me look DESPERATE.
No. 8 – Anything That Hints At a ‘Future’
Often when blokes are hanging out with a woman for the first time and she mentions something she likes or likes to do, you’ll be tempted to use that as an opportunity to hint at a future date. For example, she might say she loves Thai food, so you say, “Wow, so do I. We should go get Thai food sometime.”
Stop, stop, stop, stop! While this sounds good in theory, you must remember that women not only want but need a guy who is somewhat of a “challenge.” If partway through the first date you are talking about hanging out again and again and again, she knows that you are really into her, which means the game is over and she has won.
Sure, it’s nice to connect with someone when you first hang out with them, and of course you should want to do some fun activities together, but don’t let her know that she has “won you over” too quickly or you’ll come off just like every other guy she’s gone out with that is ready to “put a ring on it” after date No. 1.
Yep, been there and done this one. I can’t help myself sometimes and feel like I have to sound like I’m keen, and I can see that it’s just making me appear TOO EASY…
No. 7 – ‘How Many Guys Have You Slept With?’
Oh god, I’ve done this one…
Why I asked this question I will never understand, and it’s the one question I also hate to be asked, because first of all, do I really want to know? Remember to her it could sound like you’re suggesting she’s a bit of a tart. Secondly, again it’s only showing insecurity (again), especially if asked when you start dating someone. Sure, if she asks you first, go ahead. But trust me, I know from experience you don’t want to be the one to start this conversation. You can only lose.
(Look, you really don’t want to start off things by suggesting she’s a TART)
No. 6 – ‘I Left You A Message the Other Day, but Didn’t Hear Back. What Happened?’
Maybe I’ve done this and I can see that it wasn’t the smartest move…
According to a number of the comments I’ve read this might be the most common mistake we (guys) make after not hearing back from a woman, and while it sounds trivial, it is a big one. It took me a long time to figure out what to do when a woman didn’t return one of my messages, but I finally figured out it’s best to just ignore it and proceed as if it never happened. If you mention an un-returned message to a woman you are doing two things:
Showing that you care that she didn’t return it. (Hint: If you just met a woman it is too soon to care!); and
Giving her a guilt trip, which women see as insecurity.
(No you REALLY don’t want to sound DEPARATE do you?)
No. 5 – ‘Do You Like Me?’
If I had to pick out a single phrase that shuts a woman’s attraction switch off permanently, this is it. Asking a woman a question like this is the opposite of being confident. So don’t ask, just assume she likes you, and go from there. I mean, hey, who wouldn’t?
Alright already, yep I may have done this… And I can see that it’s way better not to ask but just to enjoy her company, or assume she does. If she doesn’t and she cares about you, she’ll let you know what she thinks. If she doesn’t care (or like you) you are probably better off without her.
No. 4 – ‘What Do YOU Want To Do Tonight?’
There is a saying that a woman likes a “man with a plan”, and it is absolutely true. When you call a woman to hang out, make sure you have a game plan. Don’t put the burden on her or she won’t see you as the type of guy who can show her a good time.
Isn’t this one human nature? But yep, I can see that in the beginning it’s better to be ‘the man’ and then later if things work out, maybe then you can start asking. But from my experience it’s better to offer alternatives, i.e. ‘how about we go to that Italian place round 7 pm’ than leave it up to her, she can always say no or given another option.
(Women REALLY don’t like wimps, be decisive…)
No. 3 – Anything About Your Car, Job or House That Sounds Like You Are Trying To Impress Her
Do you know what kind of guys brag about their cars, jobs and houses to women? Well, the truth is a lot of different kinds of guys, but women put them all in one category: guys who have nothing else to offer. I’m serious, ask any attractive woman about this and she’ll agree. Sure, you may attract some women, but even those women will be far more impressed by your material possessions if you don’t mention them in conversation.
Another strike out here, you see from my perspective, many of us blokes get our kicks out of our jobs or positions, our house, our cars. But I can see it’s probably better to let THEM appreciate them rather than bragging endlessly about them. After all they may actually not be that impressive to the lady involved anyway. And there is also the slim chance they may want to be with you because of who you are, not what you own or do (just saying).
(Ok, maybe this works for him, but it’s not going to work for you, believe me)
No. 2 ‘Can I Take You Out ON A Date Sometime?’
Similar to No. 1, a woman wants to be with a man who is a leader and in control, not someone who asks her permission to hit on her. Don’t ever ask a woman if you can take her out, just ask her out. But do it in a confident way. It can be as simple as saying, “We should hang out. What’s your number?” Or even telling her a specific place you want to take her: “Hey, let’s take a salsa lesson together, it will be fun!’
Yeah, maybe I’ve tried this one, just maybe… So I can see it now, you don’t walk up to the delicatessen and ask can I have some salami and cheese… You ask for the salami and cheese…
(Nope, this isn’t going work is it?)
No. 1 – ‘Can I Kiss You?’
Ask any woman and she will tell you; a man should never “ask” for a kiss. Asking for a kiss goes against everything a woman is looking for in a man. You may as well just tell her right there that you are a boy. Her answer might be “yes” if she’s being polite, but her attraction meter on the inside will read a firm, “no!”
No comments here from me, this makes total sense, so I should just judge me moment and go for the kiss, I’ve already started my research on this one, compiled over a number of years of failed attempts. And perhaps I shouldn’t lead with my tongue already out as I’ve seen some blokes do…
(This picture is irrelevant really, but it’s also wrong on so many levels…)
So Ok, what do you think? Will this Top 10 help reduce my rejection count during Rose and my little Dating Challenge?
Capt. Savage
(Who will be revising this list during the Great Dating Challenge)
I generally don’t read newspapers, well more accurately I don’t pay for newspapers, but I do read them occasionally. Yesterday I had to drive to Sydney to attend an Army course and left pretty early in the morning, too early to be bothered to make my own breakfast anyway.
So I did something I generally only do when I have my kids, I called in for brekkie at McDonalds. Now I’m not a big fan of the plastic Mac-meal, but when I am starving, desperate and well there is one available, well you get the idea.
This morning the McDonalds I called into, which was somewhere on the Hume Highway towards Sydney, was giving away the ‘Daily Telegraph’, which is Sydney’s lower class paper (Sydney Morning Herald is for the more cultured readers). While I was munching on my McMuffin I flipped the pages and came across this little gem of an article, which kind of ties into a little social dating experiment that my bestie Rose and I are about to embark on… But more of that later, the article was about whether telling white lies is actually good for a relationship, you can read it in full at http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sydney-news/no-your-bum-looks-fine-in-that-how-white-lies-can-save-a-relationship/story-e6freuzi-1226360655826.
This is the opening of the article, and the thought bubble that tweaked my interest, well just a bit more than the rest of the crap in the paper yesterday.
“BELIEVE us – it’s not stretching the truth to say Australians know how to lie.
But telling a few porkies here and there might actually do us good – in relationships, in jobs and in life generally.
In a Daily Telegraph survey of more than 400 readers, in excess of 70 per cent of us consider lying a common activity and almost nine out of 10 people believe it’s sometimes kinder to lie.
Don’t agree?
Seven words might change that opinion. Does. My. Bum. Look. Big. In. This.”
Here is a Bum for you, but maybe just maybe the photo has been tampered with!!!
The premise is obvious, it’s less hurtful to someone to NOT say what you’re really thinking… Such as “God your Arse looks Huge in that!!!”
So my initial response to Rose’s request to us Men to come forward with lines that we wouldn’t mind getting when rejected was mostly all Moral Indignation and No you Must be Honest…
But on reflection I started to think about what I actually would like to be told when being given the cold shoulder, and realised that, maybe just maybe, a little lying in the regards of matters of the heart may NOT be Too Bad.
(This is what we often do when we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, piles of steaming platitudes come out like diarrhoea)
I thought about how honest I had been during my previous relationships, and realised that often I wasn’t honest even with myself. Almost all of my past girlfriends/lovers have had some defect or another that pissed me off to some extent. Now if I was to be totally honest, I probably would have told them what I thought of their irritating little faults, i.e. leaving the cap off the toothpaste, sleeping on MY side of the bed, having too big an arse (yes one of my ex’s had a huge butt).
But then I thought, ‘Why hadn’t I told them what I really thought’…
The reason is simple, and I’m sure you have already guessed, it’s because I actually valued them more than their faults. So if I still care about someone, at least more than what I don’t like about them, why be rude to them? Basically I’d describe myself as a gentle soul, and I’d much rather get along with people then upset them. That’s not to say that I just sit there and put up with things, no, if something really pisses me off I will say something… But not in the form of a personal attack, to me that’s just straight bullying.
From my experience some people use insults and put downs as a weapon, ‘can’t you shut up bitch’ or ‘that dress makes you look like a fat pig’ instead of trying a more gentle approach.
(Interesting, combining shouting with nose rubbing, maybe it’s an Eskimo couple?)
So Rose I think I’m going to slightly moderate my opinion on honesty with dating rejections, in that I still think you need to be honest with your dates, partners, girlfriends, lovers, etc. but maybe that honesty needs to be wrapped in an understanding of human nature.
I don’t believe any of us, except those particularly hardened individuals, like to be told what is truly wrong with us. And I think none of use like getting rejected in a brutal bullying and nasty way. I think you can deliver a message without the need to make it rotten and hurtful, even a breakup or ‘no you aren’t really my type’.
So do I still think honest is the best policy?
Well yes I still think honesty is best, you should have picked up my thread of reasoning by now. But honesty wrapped in humanity and compassion. Just because I am not ‘your type’ doesn’t mean I’m not some else’s type and vice-versa if I am the one doing the rejecting. Also, just because you don’t want to go out with me or sleep with me (the aim of a lot of my mates of old ), doesn’t mean that we can’t go out as friends or stay in touch…
Far too often we blokes discard females just because we don’t get in their pants. I’ve heard this line of reasoning over and over when talking to my Male mates. The usual line discussed is the 3 date rule, and if you don’t ‘score’ by the third date, drop them like a hot potato. So I think maybe some of us should think longer term, we shouldn’t just discard people and say what we think without considering the impact or hurt we may cause to them, just because they aren’t our ‘type’.
Of course I now turned to Google found, ‘surprise surprise’, a mountain of helpful links… Which I will myself be reading in-depth very soon…
Not 1 but 3 articles on how to say no to a girl without hurting her feelings
All this research also revealed another Top 10 article ‘Things you should never say to a woman’ which I will post shortly and be using with during Rose and my little dating social experiment.It contains 10 hints of what blokes should say to girls to prevent themselves from seeming too keen or interested. And yes I’ll admit that I’ve sometimes fallen into bad habits and used a few of them, with generally bad effects not good.
The link is below, but I am warning you, unfortunately it’s one of those advertising ridden, you must read each point one page at a time, articles which personally drive me nuts… So I’ll republish it, with a Capt. Savage flavour, later today sometime…
So what is the dating experiment that Rose and I am about to jump into?
Rose is going to jump back into dating and so am I, we’ve agreed to go out together to bars etc. But we will be Together, but not together, if you catch my drift. We will be cruising places to hook-up with people for dates (for each other), and well whatever else happens, and along the way collecting our best and worst rejections. We will be sharing our experiences, aka our ongoing Karmic Challenge posts, so you all can see how we get on.
Both of us hate the internet dating rejection process that often involves nothing more than people rejecting you using automatically generate, if polite rejections… Getting dumped after receiving an electronic kiss, without even meeting, seems kind of sterile and impersonal to me! My attitude is that I’m more likely to accept the first advance, roll the dice, meet up and see if they are someone I’d like to see. As always with me the real is so much better than the virtual.
I’ll also be sharing some of my best and worst pickup lines just to spice it up… Not sure if Rose wants to join me with this little add-on to the experiment.
So what do you think, do you prefer ‘guilt-edged’ honesty when getting rejected, or just give it to you like it is?
I’ll also be observing Rose’s attitude as I think she is a little bit more hardened than I am in the ways of dating etc. You can see that from her insightful blog exposé, see http://livinginfairyland.wordpress.com/2012/05/07/the-get-stuffed-school-of-romance/ She definitely has a ‘treat them mean’ attitude, which maybe I can learn a thing or two from…
(I think Rose may have read this book)
Capt. Savage
(The gentlemen’s gentleman, except when he has a gun in his hand)
So here are my thoughts… And this was not my original blog post, which was well… kind of Savage, and it’s still smouldering in the corner as I type!
So instead how about I tell you a ‘once upon a time’ story…
I may have been at a pub, and I wound up at a table where three gorgeous girls were sitting around complaining about, and don’t be shocked! – Blokes. In particular they were complaining about pickup lines that had been used on them in at a pub (a bar for US people) a few nights before.
One woman said: ”This guy comes up to me and says, ‘haven’t I seen you someplace before?’ how lame is that?”
All three women looked at each other and rolled their eyes.
Another one of them said: ”This bloke says to me, ‘your place or mine!’ he just had to be kidding.”
(This could have been them, but it’s not, cause I never have a camera when I need one)
Now I’m sitting at the end of the table quietly sucking on my beer, watching them laugh about guys trying to chat them up, and just wondering if they had even noticed I was breathing. I was feeling bad for the guys and a little bit intimidated too, as I’d been thinking of trying my own classic ‘can I buy you a drink’ line on at least one of them.
Now I realise that there are certain hardships that only females have to put up with, like childbirth, waiting in lines to go to the toilet, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with buying shoes and makeup. Also, females tend to grow up quicker, so that by age 7 they are no longer able to appreciate the simple pleasures of farting loudly in public, whereas we (males) can continue to derive huge pleasure well into our 80s.
(It’s tough being a women… Here’s one tormented individual)
So I can see maybe it’s not easy being female.
But I reckon nature has given us males the heaviest burden of all: the burden of always having to… Make the First Move, and risk getting Shot Down in Flames. I don’t know WHY males get stuck with this burden, but it’s true with almost all animals (wait until I’m finished girls). If you watch the documentaries, you’ll see that birds, crabs, spiders, clams – well it is ALWAYS the male who has to take the initiative. It’s always the male bird who does the courting dance, making a total moron of himself (I can soooo identify with this), while the female bird just stands there, looking all aloof sticking her chest out, thinking about what she’s going to tell her girlfriends. (”And then he flapped his wings a bit! Like I’m supposed to be impressed by THAT!”).
Male insects have it the worst. Let’s consider the sorry case of the male mantis: ”After the mating, the female mantis bites off the male mantis’ head, and then she and eats it.”
(How cruel is that!!! Thank god women haven’t cottoned onto this nasty little after sex habit)
I live in Australia, my balcony is basically a giant singles bar for all sorts of insects and things. On any given day, I’ll see some poor male thing out there making their most suave moves, trying to crack on to whatever they are chasing. They seem to think that females really go for that sort of stuff, but I have never once, in 4 years of watching, have I seen a female respond (but I have to admit most of the time I don’t know which is which however). But the animals who are being persuaded, often sit there looking bored, while all around them males are mucking around an going on and off like defective warning lights.
(Male birds trying their best, but as usual, the females are playing hard to get)
Every now and then you’ll see some weird TV news story about some animal that has for some reason has fallen in love with, and decided to relentlessly to try and mate with, something totally inappropriate, such as a tractor or even the farmer. This animal is ALWAYS a male. Watch this YouTube clip and you’ll get the idea…
(Yep us males, even the animals, just can’t help ourselves)
My point here is that, in matters of the heart, we males have the brains of a walnut. No, wait! That is not my point. My point is that perhaps you women could cut us blokes a little bit of slack in the move-making process, because we are under a lot of stress (and I know this cause I’m a guy and I’ve been there done that). I vividly remember when I was in primary school, and I wanted to talk to a girl, let’s call her Jane and ask her to sit with me, and before I walked across the playground, I spent maybe 28 hours rehearsing exactly what I was going to say. So when I actually made the move across to her, well I was pretty smooth (yeah right).
(This was the plan…)
‘Hello…?’ I said. ‘Can I sit next to you?’
She looked at me as if I was some kind of horrible toad or something, and told me to go away. I was totally crushed. I would have dropped out of school and lied about my age and joined the Army, if they would have had me (BTW I am now an Army Officer, see, girls I was totally crushed).
(Here’s a typical crushed school boy)
That is the awesome power that you women have over us men. I hope you understand this, and the next time a guy walks up and uses some incredibly lame, boneheaded line on you, I hope that, instead of laughing at him, you will remember that he (and I am too) under extremely intense pressure, and wanting to impress you enough so that you might want to get to know him better and maybe eventually, perhaps within the next 15 minutes, let him jump on you and have wild sex (if only). Making it easier for us blokes will enable the survival of the human race, which believe me is the only thing that we males are truly concerned about (honestly, we don’t get ANY pleasure or satisfaction out of sex, WHAT SO EVER).
(That’s us men for you, always being gentlemen, never in it just for the sex… NO WAY)
In conclusion, let me just say to all females everywhere, on behalf of all males everywhere, that you are very beautiful and your eyes are like two shining stars, unless you’re a female fly, in which case your eyes are more like 2,038 shining stars. So please give us a chance.
And if you’re not interested, could I show you my etching later?
CS
(A gentleman to the very end, well until he gets his end in)
(Ok, maybe just maybe this blog is the biggest piece of crap I have ever written… and this is what us blokes really want from women, so why not girls, I know you’d love it really)
(Love the thought of someone having the Midlife Crisis at 37)
Maybe I’m slightly older than 37 years old, but when exactly does a Midlife Crisis (MLC) start? I’m not sure, but I think I’ve been having one for a while now… And with my impending birthday celebration, or perhaps the anniversary of my impending death, I started thinking about my MLC and what it’s doing to me.
And as Rose and I both go on our great Karma gathering adventure, will my continuing possible Midlife Crisis cause excessive temptations and distraction from my purpose of gathering points from doing good? Not if I can help it…
And yes it’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to! And yes I am old enough (I’m officially a baby boomer) to have seen this on TV (but only just)…
Answer: Yep, ok you got me there, I am sorely tempted to chuck in my well paid government middle management job and move to a Yurt in somewhere near Nimbin in rural NSW. I’m sick of working hard, putting up with idiots, all so that I can earn more, just to pay it out to other people (i.e. tax and child support).
Well actually I’m not that tempted yet, and I don’t mind paying child support because I love my kids.
But in a few years I’m tempted to move somewhere more rural, take a lower paying job somewhere local, say a hospital down the south coast of NSW, and live out my days enjoying myself… Got a few years left to fill up my superannuation account, pay off my remaining debts, get the kids through school, but I’m definitely at the classic ‘Sea Change’ point.
2. Death-defying behaviour
Answer: 2 out of 2 so far, not sure if getting divorced counts as ‘death-defying’ but just afterwards I went and joined the Army, always wanted to, something about being in a uniform. So far I’ve only broken my skull courtesy of the Army, and that was in the Officer’s mess. God help me if and when I actually get deployed to Afghanistan or somewhere. But regardless, I’m a trained killer now, so watch out… Plus as part of point 5 below I embarked on a cycling bender and ended up destroying my shoulder, and breaking more ribs than I care to remember.
3. Grooming
Answer: 3 out of 3, so I must be in a MLC, so far I’ve had long hair, short hair, a beard, clean-shaven and currently a moustache (even I am getting confused). I even once shaved it all off, but that was for charity and raised over $1,000. But now that I’m looking in the mirror, maybe I could dye out all that grey stuff…
If Only I looked this good when I’m old and bald…
4. Reverting to twenties behaviour
Answer: It’s hard for me to remember what I got up to when I was twenty, it’s all kind of drunken, drug filled blur (just kidding). But recently I have been going out on a few dates, and doing some stuff I haven’t done in years, like have fun, but maybe that lack of fun was because I was still married up till relatively recently.
Oh I can feel the hate mail coming now… But seriously, I actually don’t want to go back and become a slightly post-pubescent male. I think I’m a much more confident, interesting, and fun guy now than I was then. Or maybe that was because I was living in a small country town in the 1970’s.
That would be me down at the pub…
5. Exercise frenzy
Answer: Ok, so you got me there, 4 out of 5. Post-divorce, and maybe for a bit before, I became a bit of a fitness nut. I took up running (10km runs) until my arches collapsed. Then I took up cycling and at first this was just riding to work and the odd ride on the weekend. But soon I was riding 6 times or more a week, up to 300-350 kilometres each week. I joined the local cycling club, began to ride in 100-200 kilometre endurance rides, basically I went nuts. Eventually nature caught up with me, or more precisely the gravel road I hit when I fell off did. So total shoulder reconstruction, lots of pain medication (morphine was my friend) and now my racing bike is gathering dust and cobwebs on my balcony.
Yeah, that’s me… See my muscles… (Well maybe in my dreams or someone else’s)
6. Outrageous purchases
Answer: There is a trend happening here, it’s 5 out of 6 so far!!! Ok I have done the odd impulse buying lately, which has included a LCD flat screen TV, a cappuccino coffee machine, a sound system, fitness gear, and most recently a classical guitar… And no I can’t play the guitar (well not yet anyway), but I can tune it thanks to the electronic tuning thingy that came with it…
My new guitar (purchased today)…
7. Flirting
Answer: I’m a bit rusty on this, but I think it’s now 6 out of 7, cause I am actively trying to do this. And to tell you the truth although nothing lasting has come of this flirting just yet, I’ve made a few lovely friends and had a bit of fun as well. Look out girls I’m intending to improve my skills in this area, and what’s the worst that can happen apart from the odd slap in the face or punch from the husband…
Yep I love a good red wine and whispering sweet nothings in women’s ears…
8. Seeking out old loves
Answer: Well not so sure about this one, although some more recent post-divorce dates/flings have become friends when nothing long-term resulted from my earnest advances (oh and the odd roll around in the bedroom). I’m still pretty conservative, but I’ve actually gone out with more women since my divorce and MLC than I ever did before. Plus I lost my little black book years ago, or perhaps my ex-wife burnt it, so even if I wanted to reminisce about my past flames, I couldn’t contact them anyway.
A dog’s view of old loves…
9. Irresponsibility
Answer: Rose, maybe you can answer this one, but I have doubts I have an irresponsible bone in my body. In my callow youth I was a bit irresponsible, but 10 years or so of marriage and the enslavement that followed, have well and truly beaten those urges out of me. But I’ve sometimes been sorely tempted, and you never know what tomorrow may bring…
Ok, maybe I’ve tossed the odd stone at a sign or two, but seriously do I need a sign about it…
10. Excessive reminiscing
Answer: I do on the occasion look backwards and think about things that have happened to me. But actually I’m a pretty positive bloke, and I’m always trying to think of where to next, even if I never actually get there. So no I don’t look backwards filled with thoughts of unlived lives, or how things could have been, for me there is always tomorrow!!! Plus getting older means you can always use your age as an excuse, i.e. sorry I just can’t remember you…
No, you can read the full article (courtesy of Reader’s Digest), with their answers… If you think it could help you… And I know, no stone is left unturned in my endless Google search for knowledge!
So am I actually in the middle of a Midlife Crisis?
Hell yes!!! And I have been for years I think, even before I split up with my ex-wife.
Is being in a Midlife Crisis a bad thing?
No I don’t think it is, I think you should always be open to doing things differently if what you are doing isn’t working for you. Plus I believe in moving forwards, and that you learn from what you did in the past, not regret it (although sometimes is bloody hard not to occasionally dwell on things). I’m pretty happy with where I am at, there are the odd frustration, the odd idiot that I must tolerate, but overall Capt. Savage is a happy chappy (or if you’re Australian a happy little vegemite).
Further reading for those in a MLC and who are worried about it…
By the way, here is some Midlife Crisis self-help for those who need it (I don’t however)…
Now I’ve got to pop off and jump on my Harley with my new guitar and a hot babe hanging off my back… Plus my birthday is coming up, and this year it happens to fall on mother’s day (well at least it is in Australia). So what a way to celebrate getting cuddles from my mum and giving them to her too!
J
To quote my favourite philosopher, ‘Live long and prosper’
This morning I slept in and was casually wandering around the unit, getting brekky, listening to the radio, generally (and slowly) waking up, when I happened to glance at the clock and notice it was 8.30… Now I am actually supposed to be at work then, and being a manager I thought I better get my butt into gear and get to work. But then I thought better of that idea and decided what the heck, I made myself a cappuccino in my travel coffee cup, the beauty of having my own coffee machine. Then I casually wandered down to my car.
As I got into the car I noticed that I’d left my work phone off and decided to turn it on. That’s when the appointment reminder popped up to nag me about the 8.30 appointment I was already supposed to be at, OOPS. Hurried apology sent, but did I hurry to get to work, NO, I really am turning into a slacker.
(Yep, that relaxed feeling, bring it on!!!)
I eventually wandered into work just after 9.00, well closer to 9.15.
Why this slackness?
Well I’m actively starting to evaluate what’s important to me, I’m sick and tired of being a victim to my diary and other people’s priorities. I’ve started to turn my mobile phone off, not answer it if I am busy or don’t want to. I’m no longer replying immediately to text messages and emails, not religiously checking my blog for comments or forcing myself to post something each day. I’ve even almost weened myself off my Facebook addiction and now only use my Twitter account to promote my blog entries (when I make them) and then only automatically via the blog software.
Do I feel guilty?
No not the least bit, the meeting was not really that important (to me) although the other party may not agree with me. I’ve started to realise that I can’t always be that incandescently focussed person that some people feel I should be. My eureka moment recently is that maybe my life is better focussed on what I want to do, and I should be honest with others and not just commit myself to things to make other people happy.
(Cats really know how to do lazy)
So am I a slack arse? And does this create endless negative Karma for Capt. Savage?
So what have I been or am I trying to achieve in my search for Karma this week? So far all of my energy for the past week has been absorbed acting as a life support system for my three little kids. All other pursuits have ended up coming a poor 2nd or 3rd place in comparison (even my Blog, Facebook and Twitter addictions).
(Is there a 12 step program for my social media addictions?)
It was food for thought for me and made me realise that perhaps a dose of reality is needed for Capt. Savage.
I totally agree with the points in the clip, that it’s so easy to replace real conversations and friendships with virtual personas and text messaging, Facebook posts, tweets, with the effort required to start and maintain a friendship. This is a bit of an admission on my behalf, but I think that I’ve been kind of separating my different worlds, i.e. my online persona from my reality, and investing far too much energy into the former rather than the later (reality).
I’m not saying I’m a social hermit, or that I don’t enjoy being with real people (although some do cause me to cringe a bit and gag in the worst cases), but it does sometimes seem easier to avoid making the effort required to keep in contact with friends by making conversation (real not virtual).
Now I do try to project my actual personality in this blog, although it is shrouded in my manufactured Capt. Savage character. Now don’ think that I am trying to hide anything, it’s just due to the nature of my work, both in my full time and part time military worlds, mean that I am required to be careful about what I say on the web.
Well, I think it’s time I put up some aims that are a little more challenging for myself (and perhaps for Rose too)… To earn Karma I need to take some risks, stretch myself just a little further I think.
So what am I going to try to do over the coming days, weeks, months leading up to the end of this year (and the Karmic Challenge)?
How about this for the beginnings of a list, which I will add to as I think of things (or cross things off)…
Introduce myself to someone new every week and try to engage them in conversation and get to know them (and I mean a real in the flesh person, not via Facebook etc.);
Do a genuine good dead every day, doesn’t matter what, could be just letting someone in a line for coffee, giving someone a kind word;
Contact an old friend by letter or phone every month and arrange a catch-up;
Commit to a regular charitable donation like sponsoring a child, or making a regular pledge to a charity. I love kids so I’ll probably end up sponsoring a child;
Be a good citizen at work and make an effort to socialise (note Australian spelling) with others (even those I can’t stand, but without being too creepy crawly);
Commit to visiting my mum at least every month or so, she lives over 3 hours’ drive away, but she is 88 and she really appreciates seeing her kids;
Try to make someone laugh or get a smile not a frown (but I don’t think I’ll carry a feather sword like my colleague Capt. Feather-sword of the Wiggles);
(the famous Capt. FeatherSword)
Write an actual letter to my daughter every week for the rest of the year. Now this might sound harsh as I’ve excluded my sons, but due to their disabilities they have no language and can’t speak, read or write. My daughter however, well it’s hard to shut her up (but I love her regardless); and
I’m going to get a pet and love it to death, if I can’t get a real one due to the rules at my apartment block, I’ll adopt one from somewhere and take it for walks, and give it lots of love and attention. Maybe I should just visit Rose as she has an abundance of pets that I could spoil rotten…
Now this is not the end of my list, just a beginning, and I’m not sure how much of this I’ll achieve… But I think I need to get serious about earning Karma, because I think Karma isn’t little ticks in a box, it’s not makeup that I can just put on and take off, it’s life changing stuff.
So Guys (and I know guys isn’t very PC these days, but it’s me so get used to it), any other suggestions of heroic Karmic Challenge tasks that Capt. Savage should hurl himself at?
Or am I just getting carried away and should I pull my head out of my arse?
Any thoughts out there?
Capt. Savage
(From by Psychiatrist’s answering service; if you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.)
Flaccus, or Horace, is claimed to have said. More precisely, Horace wrote,
Captsavage's Blog 