The Magic Bone (Part 1)

The Magic Bone (Part 1)

By Mrs J (Capt. Savage’s Mum)

The old mother sheep dog looked fondly at her small family of pups as they scrambled eagerly for her milk. The smallest one of the litter was always pushed aside and never able to drink until his bigger and stronger brothers had drunk their fill. He would then have to suckle from all of her nipples until his hunger was appeased, which was not very often. Then he would curl up into a tight ball and try to sleep with a very hungry tummy.

Time pass and the puppies grew into bigger dogs except one, the little one of the litter. The farmer, not unkindly, decided to call him the “runt”, a term given to most animals that don’t seem to thrive like the others. Each day the farmer would go down to the dog yard and throw in a big heap of meaty bones. The dogs would fall on them, snarling and biting, fighting among themselves for the choicest bits. In the animal kingdom of the wild only the strongest survive and even domestic animals inherit this instinct.

Poor little Runt, he would find himself with bits and pieces after the others departed from their feeding frenzy and would often go out to work learning how to work the sheep still hungry. He was an intelligent little dog and was quick to learn how to round-up the sheep and respond to various commands and was always anxious to please. The farmer watch him one day and thought to himself, he will make a grand working dog but unless he gets bigger and stronger he will have no staying power.

Way up in dog heaven the king of dogs looked down and hoped that the Runt would prove to the farmer that small as he was he was still the brightest and smartest of the litter. He didn’t often go down to the earth, content to keep a watchful eye on what was happening from above. He believed in letting events run their course but this time there seemed to be a good reason for him to take action. The other dogs were really brutal in their treatment of the Runt. The only time the poor little dog was happy was when he was working the sheep. Sadly, he was in such poor condition from lack of food he would have to sneak out of sight to have a rest.

One day the farmer had boiled his billy for his usual cuppa, he lit a cig (cigarette), the rest of the pack were panting in the shade of the dray (a low, heavy cart without sides) and the little Runt was resting alone in the shade of a bushy shrub. Suddenly he sensed a presence and looked up straight into the eyes of a big black dog. The dog’s lips were drawn back but he wasn’t snarling, in fact it was a doggie smile he was giving the little dog. “Now who is this” the Runt thought “and what does he want”. He soon found out. There must have been magic in the air because everything was still. The farmer, the dogs, the birds in the air, even the leaves and grasses were motionless and not a sound could be heard. Suddenly the stranger spoke, “I am the King of Dogs and I come from the planet Sirius and you are one of my subjects. Now I have seen from on high how unkindly your brothers are treating you. Unless something is done to help you grow bigger and stronger there will be no future for you”.

With that he lifted one of his huge front legs and drew out a bare white bone. It wasn’t very large but had a big knob on either end. “Tale this bone” the big dog said “and whenever you are hungry just think to yourself (I am hungry) then he immediately vanished right before the little dog’s eyes. The dog blinked in amazement. I must have been dreaming he thought. But then right in front of him was the bare white knobbly bone.

He decided to see if it was a dream and thought to himself if it had some meat on it that would be great because I am hungry. Imagine his astonishment when the bone began to dance about and change in colour and shape right before his eyes. When it sopped he saw it had changed into the meatiest and nicest bone he had ever seen. He fell upon it ravenously before it disappeared. It wasn’t long before it was bare again and Runt licked his lips in satisfaction, for once he was completely satisfied as he curled up to finish his nap.

Then the farmer whistled and all the dogs came running. When the Runt arrived looking so pleased with himself, they all queried why he looked so contented and happy. With a knowing look on his face he replied, “That is for me to know and you to find out”. He worked so well that day that the farmer allowed him to ride beside him in the dray on the way home. The other dogs slunk off to their kennels vowing to keep a watch on the Runt and try to discover what was causing him to be so happy. As the Runt curled up to sleep he wondered if he would have to go back to where he first saw the bone to get another meal. That night he had a good night’s sleep on a very contented tummy.

End of Part 1… What will happen to the Runt next?


My Mum used to tell this story to me when I was a kid, and eventually she got around to writing it down and then a friend published it. Since then the local library has been using this and other stories from mum to tell to school kids when then come and visit the library. I’m not sure if they still do, but a lot of kids in my home town know all about the little Runt.

BTW, all of the illustrations in the book were done by mum in watercolours, and then scanned and put into her little books.

Capt. Savage

(Proud of the humble efforts of his sweet little mum)


Top 10: Things You Should Never Say To a Woman

(Not exactly on topic, but funny as hell anyway)

I have been doing some research in preparation for the Great Dating Challenge!!!

The WHAT? I hear you saying… well Rose from butimbeautiful (my best mate) and I, are about to hit the bars, clubs and other venues around where we live in search of the Worst Rejection Lines of All Time. Well actually Rose has generously offered to lead me, kicking and screaming, out in search of dates. And purely for altruist reasons (to show her support for the cause) she is also going to be putting herself out there in search of males…

All this research also revealed another Top 10 article ‘Things you should never say to a woman’ which I will post shortly and be using with during Rose and my little dating social experiment. It contains 10 hints of what blokes should say to girls to prevent themselves from seeming too keen or interested. And yes I’ll admit that I’ve sometimes fallen into bad habits and used a few of them, with generally bad effects not good.

Here is the link to the article,

But I am warning you, unfortunately it’s one of those advertising ridden, you must read each point, one page at a time, articles which personally drive me nuts… So below I’ve republished it, with a Capt. Savage flavour, minus all the advertising, links to online Casinos, X-rated video sites etc.

Now I’m guilty of using a number of these lines on women in the past, and until I read them all in this article I didn’t really appreciate how crappy they were, or sound. The main theme of this Top 10 is around not sounding ‘insecure’ or ‘indecisive’, women appreciate certainty, even if they are the ones providing it.

And let me know if you think avoiding these will improve my chances in the ‘Great Dating Challenge’ that Rose and I am about to embark on… And feel free to add any other tips and hints from your collective ‘Top 10’s’ bad lines from the past… I’d love to hear them J

So drumroll please… here are the 10 things you should NEVER say to a woman.

No. 10 – Anything Bad about Her Male Friends

Whew, I have religiously avoided this one, or tried to… Sometimes my friends seem compelled say this about some of my dates as well! They may have been right, but nobody likes to be told our friends (or other potential or ex-boyfriends) are crappy.

So I agree, one of the ways a woman marks you as “insecure” the fastest is if you starts making smart comments about her male friends, especially if you haven’t met them and don’t know her very well. So even if they are more than friends, you are only making yourself look like you are scared of competition from them, which to a woman screams “insecurity.” Best to just keep your mouth shut when they are mentioned and focus on your game instead.

No. 9 – ‘I’ll Call You Friday’

Ending a phone conversation with a “next step” is a good technique if you’re trying to sell someone something, but not when you are talking to a woman. First of all, you are killing any spontaneity by being predictable. Second, you are also killing any chances of her calling you, as she has to now wait for your call or risk looking desperate. Not good.

SO Okay, yes guilty as charged on this one… for some reason I feel compelled to try and pre-empt the next contact, and yes I agree it’s DUMB and makes me look DESPERATE.

No. 8 – Anything That Hints At a ‘Future’

Often when blokes are hanging out with a woman for the first time and she mentions something she likes or likes to do, you’ll be tempted to use that as an opportunity to hint at a future date. For example, she might say she loves Thai food, so you say, “Wow, so do I. We should go get Thai food sometime.”

Stop, stop, stop, stop! While this sounds good in theory, you must remember that women not only want but need a guy who is somewhat of a “challenge.” If partway through the first date you are talking about hanging out again and again and again, she knows that you are really into her, which means the game is over and she has won.

Sure, it’s nice to connect with someone when you first hang out with them, and of course you should want to do some fun activities together, but don’t let her know that she has “won you over” too quickly or you’ll come off just like every other guy she’s gone out with that is ready to “put a ring on it” after date No. 1.

Yep, been there and done this one. I can’t help myself sometimes and feel like I have to sound like I’m keen, and I can see that it’s just making me appear TOO EASY…

No. 7 – ‘How Many Guys Have You Slept With?’

Oh god, I’ve done this one…

Why I asked this question I will never understand, and it’s the one question I also hate to be asked, because first of all, do I really want to know? Remember to her it could sound like you’re suggesting she’s a bit of a tart. Secondly, again it’s only showing insecurity (again), especially if asked when you start dating someone. Sure, if she asks you first, go ahead. But trust me, I know from experience you don’t want to be the one to start this conversation. You can only lose.

(Look, you really don’t want to start off things by suggesting she’s a TART)

No. 6 – ‘I Left You A Message the Other Day, but Didn’t Hear Back. What Happened?’

Maybe I’ve done this and I can see that it wasn’t the smartest move…

According to a number of the comments I’ve read this might be the most common mistake we (guys) make after not hearing back from a woman, and while it sounds trivial, it is a big one. It took me a long time to figure out what to do when a woman didn’t return one of my messages, but I finally figured out it’s best to just ignore it and proceed as if it never happened. If you mention an un-returned message to a woman you are doing two things:

  1. Showing that you care that she didn’t return it. (Hint: If you just met a woman it is too soon to care!); and
  2. Giving her a guilt trip, which women see as insecurity.

(No you REALLY don’t want to sound DEPARATE do you?)

No. 5 – ‘Do You Like Me?’

If I had to pick out a single phrase that shuts a woman’s attraction switch off permanently, this is it. Asking a woman a question like this is the opposite of being confident. So don’t ask, just assume she likes you, and go from there. I mean, hey, who wouldn’t?

Alright already, yep I may have done this… And I can see that it’s way better not to ask but just to enjoy her company, or assume she does. If she doesn’t and she cares about you, she’ll let you know what she thinks. If she doesn’t care (or like you) you are probably better off without her.

No. 4 – ‘What Do YOU Want To Do Tonight?’

There is a saying that a woman likes a “man with a plan”, and it is absolutely true. When you call a woman to hang out, make sure you have a game plan. Don’t put the burden on her or she won’t see you as the type of guy who can show her a good time.

Isn’t this one human nature? But yep, I can see that in the beginning it’s better to be ‘the man’ and then later if things work out, maybe then you can start asking. But from my experience it’s better to offer alternatives, i.e. ‘how about we go to that Italian place round 7 pm’ than leave it up to her, she can always say no or given another option.

(Women REALLY don’t like wimps, be decisive…)

No. 3 – Anything About Your Car, Job or House That Sounds Like You Are Trying To Impress Her

Do you know what kind of guys brag about their cars, jobs and houses to women? Well, the truth is a lot of different kinds of guys, but women put them all in one category: guys who have nothing else to offer. I’m serious, ask any attractive woman about this and she’ll agree. Sure, you may attract some women, but even those women will be far more impressed by your material possessions if you don’t mention them in conversation.

Another strike out here, you see from my perspective, many of us blokes get our kicks out of our jobs or positions, our house, our cars. But I can see it’s probably better to let THEM appreciate them rather than bragging endlessly about them. After all they may actually not be that impressive to the lady involved anyway. And there is also the slim chance they may want to be with you because of who you are, not what you own or do (just saying).

(Ok, maybe this works for him, but it’s not going to work for you, believe me)

No. 2 ‘Can I Take You Out ON A Date Sometime?’

Similar to No. 1, a woman wants to be with a man who is a leader and in control, not someone who asks her permission to hit on her. Don’t ever ask a woman if you can take her out, just ask her out. But do it in a confident way. It can be as simple as saying, “We should hang out. What’s your number?” Or even telling her a specific place you want to take her: “Hey, let’s take a salsa lesson together, it will be fun!’

Yeah, maybe I’ve tried this one, just maybe… So I can see it now, you don’t walk up to the delicatessen and ask can I have some salami and cheese… You ask for the salami and cheese…

(Nope, this isn’t going work is it?)

No. 1 – ‘Can I Kiss You?’

Ask any woman and she will tell you; a man should never “ask” for a kiss. Asking for a kiss goes against everything a woman is looking for in a man. You may as well just tell her right there that you are a boy. Her answer might be “yes” if she’s being polite, but her attraction meter on the inside will read a firm, “no!”

No comments here from me, this makes total sense, so I should just judge me moment and go for the kiss, I’ve already started my research on this one, compiled over a number of years of failed attempts. And perhaps I shouldn’t lead with my tongue already out as I’ve seen some blokes do…

(This picture is irrelevant really, but it’s also wrong on so many levels…)

So Ok, what do you think? Will this Top 10 help reduce my rejection count during Rose and my little Dating Challenge?

Capt. Savage

(Who will be revising this list during the Great Dating Challenge)