Karmic Hairiness here I come…

THE CHALLENGE. A man (Captain Savage – a man who is about to become less hairy). A woman (the beautiful Rose). A quest. To earn enough karmic points by Christmas to be reincarnated as Something Nice. Ok I think I’m back on track, maybe this week I could be a lemur, they seem to have so much fun…

Those tails are just so cute, and those orange eyes…

Well what has happened during Week 30?

This week has been a week of Savage achievement, well not for this particular Savage, but for the lovely and engaging little Miss J…  as her dad, I am just so proud…

My daughter has always been the apple of my eye, and I’m enormously proud of her, as I’m sure all fathers are, in a most one-eyed fashion. But this week is rather special for me in relation to Miss J. Every time I spend time with her I encourage her reading, I even bought her a Kindle and loaded it up with nearly 100 classic books (from the dead writers society, you know the free ones), plus also a lot of kids type books too.

Miss J took to reading like a duck to water and at first I read to her, then we read together, with me putting on silly character voices, now Miss J reads to me, and does a really good job of it too. And at 8 years of age she is reading books I didn’t read until I was much older. She is currently reading Moby Dick, and not the comic book version either.

No, this isn’t Miss J, but you get the idea…

Not only is she good at reading, she writes pretty well as well, much better than I do, at least so she tells me whenever she get the chance. She has already been a contributor to this blog, refer… The Crazy Dream, which was her first contribution.

Then there is her sometimes infuriating habit of being quicker than my calculator at working out mathematics… Nobody likes a smarty-pants Miss J…

This would be her if she had half a chance, up showing off…

So why are you so proud of Miss J this week?

Well this week my ex-wife received my daughter’s NAPLAN report from her school… And she (Miss J) did really good… Better than even I, as her ever proud daddy, could have hoped…

Say What Capt., Her what? report?

Her NAPLAN report, ok, well it’s The National Assessment Program – Literacy and Numeracy (NAPLAN) and is an annual assessment for students in Years 3, 5, 7 and 9. It is an everyday part of the school calendar and has been since 2008. NAPLAN tests the sorts of skills that are essential for every child to progress through school and life, such as reading, writing, spelling and numeracy.

Little Miss J has been assessed as being in the top 1% of kids of her age for reading, creative writing and mathematical ability, I was totally blown away…

And I am so proud of you Miss J

So now Miss J is being given opportunities for special tutoring and extra classes, and I know where she gets it from… Well I’ll keep telling myself that regardless Rose…

So I must be doing something right?

But there is one little white cloud on the sunny horizon for little Miss J, she is cursed like me with the same issues that I suffered from at school, and which made me sometimes be, to quote fake Roman, Mr Sporticus Clumsicus.

My parents often wondered how the hell I lived through my childhood sometimes. But I’m kind of hopeful that little Miss J can, just like I eventually did, learn to make the most of her limited sporting capacity. Yes I eventually made the school athletics and cross-country teams (I think they were desperate actually). I would also have made the curly-headed, shortsighted, nerd team too, but they didn’t want to own up to having that team at my school.

So what about Karma for this week Capt?

Well, obviously this week I want to be reincarnated as Miss J, and hopefully live a highly successful life as a child prodigy/genius…

But actually I think I have earned a few Karmic Coins from the fountain.

Here we go, a few coins in a very famous fountain…

I have added to my collection of Karmic Karma raising activities by once again becoming a MoBro…

A Mo-What Capt?

Well every year for the last 9 years I have been shaving my face clean on the 1st of November and then growing a variety of hairy caterpillars on my upper lip, yep, growing Moustaches for Movember.

Here are a couple of lovely examples of Movember Moustaches

And what is Movember about?

During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of moustaches on thousands of men’s faces in Australia and around the world. The aim of which is to raise vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and male mental health.

Registering at www.movember.com, guys then start Movember 1st with a clean-shaven face and then for the rest of the month, these selfless and generous men known as Mo Bros, groom, trim and wax their way into the annals of fine moustachery. Supported by the women in their lives, Mo Sistas, Movember Mo Bros raise funds by seeking out sponsorship for their Mo growing efforts.

Mo Bros effectively become walking, talking billboards for the 30 days of November and through their actions and words raise awareness by prompting private and public conversation around the often ignored issue of men’s health.

At the end of the month, Mo Bros and their female supporters (known as Mo Sistas) celebrate their gallantry and valor by either throwing their own Movember party or attending one of the infamous Gala Partés held around the world by Movember, for Movember.

Want to help me to raise money for Movember?

Well you can, I have just set up my fundraising page, still got to finish putting up info and arrange my own Movember events, but you are welcome to chip in and support men’s health. My Movember site is at http://mobro.co/TheSavageMO, check it out!!!

How has the Beautiful Rose gone, well in a Karmic Sense? (She’s been gone in a few other senses for a while now…)

Well Rose has been fully occupied with lots and lots of things, all which are earning her mountains of Karma. She has taken her son, the incredibly debonair and intelligent (intimidatingly) Mr F, on an expedition to the beautiful Blue Mountains (where else would someone as beautiful as Rose go?).

The Three Sisters in the Blue Mountains

Rose has been doing wonderful things with the gorgeous and delightfully cheeky (shows no respect for us adults at all) Miss M.

She has also been doing heaps and heaps for her family…

As well as cleaning her house and getting it all fixed up too…

Let’s just admit it, Rose has been a very busy little vegemite!!!

See a Happy Little Vegemite, even has Rosy cheeks Rose…

So Week 30, what’s the score?

Well I’ll leave that up to the delicious Rose, what do you reckon I should put in for our scores?

Week No. Week Ending Rose’s Weekly Tally Rose’s Running Total Capt’s Weekly Tally Capt’s Running Total
15

4/07/2012

200

406

50

205

16

11/07/2012

10

416

15

220

17

18/07/2012

10

426

20

240

18

25/07/2012

5

431

25

265

19

1/08/2012

5

436

20

285

20

8/08/2012

10

446

25

310

21

15/08/2012

15

461

30

340

22

22/08/2012

1

462

15

355

23

29/08/2012

1

463

15

370

24

5/09/2012

1

464

15

385

25

12/09/2012

1

465

15

400

26

19/09/2012

1

466

15

415

27

26/09/2012

1

467

15

430

28

3/10/2012

1

468

15

445

29

10/10/2012

1

469

5

450

30

17/10/2012

?

#VALUE!

?

#VALUE!

Come on Rose, what’s the score?

Capt. Savage

Soon to be hairy lipped (Moustached)

Help me pick my Movember style below…




Is there a right way to end things?

Is there a right way to end things?

Personally I’ve haven’t found one yet, and god I wish some of the women who have dumped me had that magic ‘gentle’ way to call it quits. For me however, it always jumps up and slaps me in the face, or I find myself slapping them in the face no matter how much I try to do it otherwise. Somehow endings for me always end up like some cheap movie script, with an evil bad guy and there is always an innocent victim…

So how have people ended it with you Capt?

This brings me onto another Top 10 list… And yes, I know it’s surprising Rose that 10 women have rolled my particular set of dice, of course this is assuming they all were women (god if only my life was that interesting). Some of these breakups may have happened to me, but I’ll let you be the judge.

So let’s me count down my top 10 breakups, starting at 10

10. Getting it via email… God I hate that… or worse still via bloody Facebook, and yes someone did end it with me by FB, but maybe I shouldn’t have announced that we were an item on FB in the first place. Guess I removed the deniability factor, and that apparently scared the crap out of them.

9. Tell me that I’m crap in the sack, now this may have some truth in it, but don’t tell everyone else about my lack of sexual prowess before you bother to mention it to me. Hasn’t anyone heard of natural justice…

8. Decide that the best way to get rid of me is to start cheating on me, and then have it off with another bloke in the back room of the café that we were partners in, and the operative word was WERE… That’s why I hate men who are good with languages, or in his case he was a pretty cunning linguist… at least that’s what he was practicing I think, in the backroom with my ex…

7. ‘”Do you want the good news or the bad news… ” Seriously, that is NOT how to tell someone its over.

6. Just leave one day and never come back, it would have been ok if you’d paid the bills and used a real name for the utilities account, instead of Zaphod Beeblebrox. Yep, someone I shared a place with actually persuaded people to connect up the gas, electricity and phone, using Zaphod as an alias (in case you don’t know who I mean, he was a character in Douglas Adams‘ ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe’. The picture above is Zaphod with the ultimate in plastic surgery, yep he wanted an extra head…

5. “So, the good news is, it’s treatable with antibiotics… “Finding out that you just got something horrible from your lover generally does it for me, no words required.

4. Nothing says “we’re over” like a good old-fashioned brawl in the middle of a family BBQ. Bring a chair… words hurt, but broken bones hurt more.

3. A bloody singing telegram… And yes I am old enough to remember (and have received) a telegram. Although, honestly, this was probably the worst way to deliver any message.

2. Leave a voicemail message on their answering machine, not fair, and then disconnect your phone so that I can’t call you… Oh, and of course move out, all at the same time… I suppose I should thank you, at least it made hating you a lot easier.

1. Ok, so here is something that’s novel, you could actually try being mature and tell me that you just don’t feel the same anymore. There is literally nothing as soul-crushing as the truth I can tell you. Also, it leaves me wondering what game you’re trying to play with my head, god honesty it’s just unheard of. Voila! You’ve ruined my love life for a good 8 months or so!

So what is the worst way that someone has broken up with you?

Capt. Savage

(Zaphod, and if I ever find you…)

Karmic Better Late Than Never Post… Week??

Here is the Dalai Lama doing a bit of finger waving at naughty Capt. Savage

THE CHALLENGE. A man (Captain Savage – a very slack person). A woman (Rose). A quest. To earn enough karmic points by Christmas to be reincarnated as Something Nice. The way I am going at the moment I will be coming back as a 3 toed sloth…

So where the heck have you been Capt. Savage? Why no posts for ages?

To be honest I have been in a bit of a downer since my kids went home the other week, watching them fly back to Queensland really was gut wrenching. The kids had just stayed with me for a week in Canberra, and while it wasn’t the best holiday I’ve spent with the kids, I did feel torn up when I had to drop them off at the departure lounge and I watched my daughter run off to be with her mum and her new partner.

I shouldn’t feel sad, as I enjoyed my time with the kids and I know that their mother cares just as much as I do for the kids and they should be glad to see her and their stepfather, but logic doesn’t always triumph over emotions and your heart.

I took the kids to a few playgrounds, down to the Cotter River with Rose and her 3 dogs. The dogs didn’t care that the water was cold, they had a great time. Rose kindly took my daughter for a wander amongst the rocks, as I’d forgotten to bring my thongs (footwear for those unfamiliar, not the other sort).

So here are some photos from the week with the kids.

Here are the boys playing around by the Cotter River near Canberra, looks nice and warm but the water was freezing

Here is Rose, notice that the photo is suitably blurry, not sure what I was doing wrong that day, my expensive Nikon DSLR was taking terrible pictures (couldn’t be the operator??). It is a lovely spot really, as is Rose…

Here are the kids at an adventure playground about 15 minutes from home, Mr. J just wasn’t interested

Here is Mr. B going down the big slippery slide at the playground, and not too sure about it either

And here is Miss. J going down, more worried about her hat than the slide really

The even bigger slide that Mr. B just wouldn’t go down, no matter how many time Miss. J did it

Miss. J doing what she does best, showing off while balancing on one leg on a fake lizard

Mr. B on top of Canberra’s Telecom (Telstra) Tower, god it was windy that day, I’d just been running around trying to get Mr. B’s hat (I’m holding it while shooting this shot)

And here is Miss. J a.k.a. ‘Eskimo Girl’ trying to get out of the wind

Ok, so you have been feeling a bit low, but that’s no excuse for not doing your Karmic Post Capt!!!

Yep, I agree with Rose, who has been quietly able to do Karmic Posts while I have been acting like a bit like a hermit in my little cave (my unit). And actually doing a web post is kind of therapy rather than torture, although some of my attempts at poetry can be quite torturous I’m told.

So how did we fair Karmically (don’t think that’s actually a word Capt.) over the last few weeks?

Well Rose is so Karmic that she is already almost at her target of 500 points… and she still has nearly 3 months to go. So using the law of diminishing returns, I’ve decided to make it harder for you Rose, and also to allow me some faint hope of catching you before December. So I’ve given you a point for each week, generous I think. And for Me, well I used my weekly average up to now (15)… Creative accounting at its best I reckon Rose.

Week No.

Week Ending

Rose’s Weekly Tally

Rose’s Running Total

Capt’s Weekly Tally

Capt’s Running Total

15

4/07/2012

200

406

50

205

16

11/07/2012

10

416

15

220

17

18/07/2012

10

426

20

240

18

25/07/2012

5

431

25

265

19

1/08/2012

5

436

20

285

20

8/08/2012

10

446

25

310

21

15/08/2012

15

461

30

340

22

22/08/2012

1

462

15

355

23

29/08/2012

1

463

15

370

24

5/09/2012

1

464

15

385

25

12/09/2012

1

465

15

400

26

19/09/2012

1

466

15

415

27

26/09/2012

1

467

15

430

28

3/10/2012

1

468

15

445

 

ANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE SCORES SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO THE HAND… AND IT AINT LISTENING…

One of my favourite silly movies, Sacha Baron Cohen at his best (or is that his worst)

And you really should keep yourselves abreast of Rose’s recent post, it was thrilling for good old Mr. L, who apparently needed oxygen afterwards, bring on summer I say… And no, wearing a similar outfit for me won’t give you any more points, although I’m not going to discourage you…

The Karmic Challenge: Week 27 – Wear a Low Cut Dress for Jesus! (great title Rose)

Plus I love the concept of Gucci the animal activist (only animals can be really, and yes I know Rose, we are animals too). Sorry that I let the wet weather keep me at home in my cave, but to be truthful I wasn’t the best of company recently.

Capt. Savage

(Finally out of his hermit cave and back blogging)

 

The Magic Bone (Part 1)


The Magic Bone (Part 1)

By Mrs J (Capt. Savage’s Mum)

The old mother sheep dog looked fondly at her small family of pups as they scrambled eagerly for her milk. The smallest one of the litter was always pushed aside and never able to drink until his bigger and stronger brothers had drunk their fill. He would then have to suckle from all of her nipples until his hunger was appeased, which was not very often. Then he would curl up into a tight ball and try to sleep with a very hungry tummy.

Time pass and the puppies grew into bigger dogs except one, the little one of the litter. The farmer, not unkindly, decided to call him the “runt”, a term given to most animals that don’t seem to thrive like the others. Each day the farmer would go down to the dog yard and throw in a big heap of meaty bones. The dogs would fall on them, snarling and biting, fighting among themselves for the choicest bits. In the animal kingdom of the wild only the strongest survive and even domestic animals inherit this instinct.

Poor little Runt, he would find himself with bits and pieces after the others departed from their feeding frenzy and would often go out to work learning how to work the sheep still hungry. He was an intelligent little dog and was quick to learn how to round-up the sheep and respond to various commands and was always anxious to please. The farmer watch him one day and thought to himself, he will make a grand working dog but unless he gets bigger and stronger he will have no staying power.

Way up in dog heaven the king of dogs looked down and hoped that the Runt would prove to the farmer that small as he was he was still the brightest and smartest of the litter. He didn’t often go down to the earth, content to keep a watchful eye on what was happening from above. He believed in letting events run their course but this time there seemed to be a good reason for him to take action. The other dogs were really brutal in their treatment of the Runt. The only time the poor little dog was happy was when he was working the sheep. Sadly, he was in such poor condition from lack of food he would have to sneak out of sight to have a rest.

One day the farmer had boiled his billy for his usual cuppa, he lit a cig (cigarette), the rest of the pack were panting in the shade of the dray (a low, heavy cart without sides) and the little Runt was resting alone in the shade of a bushy shrub. Suddenly he sensed a presence and looked up straight into the eyes of a big black dog. The dog’s lips were drawn back but he wasn’t snarling, in fact it was a doggie smile he was giving the little dog. “Now who is this” the Runt thought “and what does he want”. He soon found out. There must have been magic in the air because everything was still. The farmer, the dogs, the birds in the air, even the leaves and grasses were motionless and not a sound could be heard. Suddenly the stranger spoke, “I am the King of Dogs and I come from the planet Sirius and you are one of my subjects. Now I have seen from on high how unkindly your brothers are treating you. Unless something is done to help you grow bigger and stronger there will be no future for you”.

With that he lifted one of his huge front legs and drew out a bare white bone. It wasn’t very large but had a big knob on either end. “Tale this bone” the big dog said “and whenever you are hungry just think to yourself (I am hungry) then he immediately vanished right before the little dog’s eyes. The dog blinked in amazement. I must have been dreaming he thought. But then right in front of him was the bare white knobbly bone.

He decided to see if it was a dream and thought to himself if it had some meat on it that would be great because I am hungry. Imagine his astonishment when the bone began to dance about and change in colour and shape right before his eyes. When it sopped he saw it had changed into the meatiest and nicest bone he had ever seen. He fell upon it ravenously before it disappeared. It wasn’t long before it was bare again and Runt licked his lips in satisfaction, for once he was completely satisfied as he curled up to finish his nap.

Then the farmer whistled and all the dogs came running. When the Runt arrived looking so pleased with himself, they all queried why he looked so contented and happy. With a knowing look on his face he replied, “That is for me to know and you to find out”. He worked so well that day that the farmer allowed him to ride beside him in the dray on the way home. The other dogs slunk off to their kennels vowing to keep a watch on the Runt and try to discover what was causing him to be so happy. As the Runt curled up to sleep he wondered if he would have to go back to where he first saw the bone to get another meal. That night he had a good night’s sleep on a very contented tummy.

End of Part 1… What will happen to the Runt next?

——————————————————————-

My Mum used to tell this story to me when I was a kid, and eventually she got around to writing it down and then a friend published it. Since then the local library has been using this and other stories from mum to tell to school kids when then come and visit the library. I’m not sure if they still do, but a lot of kids in my home town know all about the little Runt.

BTW, all of the illustrations in the book were done by mum in watercolours, and then scanned and put into her little books.

Capt. Savage

(Proud of the humble efforts of his sweet little mum)

It’s a Celebration… Thanks to you all!!! And another Award for Rose…

Yes it’s a celebration…

Thanks for all the attention, I am just blushing really…

Sydney really knows how to celebrate new Year, the glorious coat hanger in the background (that’s the Sydney Harbour Bridge for you non-Sydney people)

Ok Capt. What the heck are you talking about?

Well this week my humble little blog passed the following milestones, and excuse my little bit of trumpet blowing and celebrating, but this week (as of posting and now updated):

  • The blog just passed 500 likes
  • There are now over 70 followers of this blog (72 73 to be exact)
  • 658 666 comments have been made (ok maybe 50% of them were replies by me)
  • This is my 125 post
  • I have 38 blog followers on Twitter
  • I have 10 blog followers on Facebook
  • This has been my busiest month on the blog (667  700 views) and I still have a day to go!!!
  • And there has been 3,141 3,180 views of the blog in total (and 700 for August alone)
  • And my daily average has just hit 23 overall and 28 for this week…

I really appreciate you taking the time to read my blog entries, I really do!!!

This all started off as a little experiment on my behalf, and very much as a result of prompting from my dear friend Rose from http://butimbeautiful.wordpress.com/. I never really thought that anyone could be bothered to read my dribble, but here I am 8 months later still blogging (started this blog in January this year), and I’m loving it.

So thanks Rose, thank you for giving me a whole new outlet, and it’s been a great release.

So Rose to honour your inspiration,

I Award You (Drum Roll Please)

The Inaugural Capt. Savage Blogger Inspiration Award…

Ta Da…

Here is my alter-ego, ready and waiting to award you…

So what mindless things do you have to do now?

So what do you have to do in return for this most prestigious and one of a kind award?

Well Rose, I expect you to do the following 5 things (and as usual in no particular order)

  1. Break the new ban on doing hand stands (and post the picture on your blog), see http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2012/08/28/3577470.htm

     

  2. Put up a YouTube video of yourself dancing on your blog (that should be entertaining)

     

  3. Explain to me why my vacuum cleaner has never been the same since you borrowed it (I’m sure it’s the liposuction)

     

  4. Sit and watch the Jason Bourne Trilogy with me (without falling asleep)

     

  5. And nominate a Gazillion other bloggers for this most prestigious, soon to be no longer unique, award.

And Yes Rose, it’s your fault that I am now addicted to blogging…

And by the way, sorry I still haven’t done my weekly Karmic Challenge post, I’m a slacker I know.

Ok, maybe I only put in this clip cause Alanis Morissette is running around in the nude, and it’s a weird clip, but the title sounded appropriate at the time ok!!!

Thank YOU

Thank you fellow bloggers for taking the time the taking the time to read my blog, it is only my mad ramblings, but I enjoy it and that’s all that matters. The fact that others also take the time to read it too is just icing on my cake, so thanks!!!

Capt. Savage

(Aiming for 5,000 page views and 100 followers by 31 December, 2012)

Go Back To Where You Came From… A great 2nd series so far!!!

20120828-233656.jpg

http://www.sbs.com.au/goback/

I watched a very interesting program on the Australian TV channel SBS tonight, and then watched the online discussion, so no time to do a Karmic Challenge post tonight (Sorry Rose). The program was the 2nd series about boat people or so-called illegal immigrants. In this series 6 ‘prominent’ Australians are introduced to former illegal immigrants and then sent to Somalia and Afghanistan to experience what it is like from the other side of the fence. I found the first episode very interesting, especially the reactions of the participants as they became deeper and deeper involved in the experience, and the obvious danger of day to day life in the two countries they had been sent to.

20120828-234103.jpg
Here is the reaction of one participant to being in Somalia

20120828-234052.jpg
And everyone was happy to be in Afghanistan too (not)

Will it change the attitudes of any of them

Not so far, but this is only the first instalment of promises to be a very interesting and perhaps challenging second series. If anyone from overseas wants to see the series, you can watch it online http://www.sbs.com.au/goback/videos and join in the online discussion pages and pose questions as well. I am going to watch the next episode with interest, but I enjoyed the first one, shocked by the conditions in Somalia, more than Afghanistan, as the former doesn’t get much coverage but the latter gets plenty (mostly about coalition soldiers being killed unfortunately).

Capt. Savage (An interested observer)

20120828-233741.jpg

The terrors of the 21st Century, the day I had to reboot my car!

This is what I felt like doing on Sunday night, I just couldn’t find a bit of branch to whip my car with.

I have a new car, you know that lovely shiny new Volkswagen Golf that I picked up the other day. Well on the weekend I thought I would take it for a spin to a mates place to show it off. He has one too, but mine is just a little bit more special than his… Well at least I think it is…

Here is my new baby

Isn’t she lovely, btw all my cars are girls…

So what has you so upset with her Capt?

Well my darling daughter rang me up just as I was about to get home from my trip. So I thought I’d talk to her on my hands free in the car, rather than calling her back when I got home… So we had a lovely little chat about things, talked about her impending visit with her two brothers, and how she is going at school. Then I hung up and did what you normally do when you want to drive off, I turned the key and tried to start the car…

Nothing happened, well apart from it briefly coughing a bit, then promptly stopping…

I tried again, cough cough, then nothing…

I was starting to get a bit frustrated, there was plenty of diesel in the tank, the battery seemed ok, and it had just driven 50 odd kilometres, not a problem at all.

So I took stock of things, thought maybe I was doing it wrong, not holding my tongue in the right direction, I crossed my fingers and gave it one my go… Cough Cough and nothing. I also noticed this funny error message on one of the displays in the car, ‘Key not recognised’, sounded funny as it was the key I had been using all day.

So I resorted to reading the manual, I was getting pretty irritated by now, no explanation of this error message. Then I decided I’d take the key out of the ignition, call for help, and wait outside the car.

Well no, my car was having none of that, it wouldn’t let me take the key out of the ignition…

AARGH!!!! The last straw… I was starting to fall out of love with my new mistress (my VW).

This was me… Except my teeth aren’t nearly this well looked after.

So I sat locked in my car, waiting for the roadside mechanic to come and fix the car… 20 or so minutes later a cheery chap for the local roadside assist company (NRMA) turned up to see what the problem was…

He listened to my tale of woe and first off said the obvious, “you haven’t had this car very long, have you”…

I replied, “well no, just a couple of weeks”.

Then he informed me, “Well you should have asked someone how to operate it before you drove it out of the showroom”.

I said, “it’s a car, I can drive already”.

But he said in a soothing voice, “this is a Volkswagen, it’s not just a regular car”.

Here is the NRMA van… Or one very similar

“well ok” I said “what should I have asked about”

He then pointed out that to remove the key you must have the car in Park (gear)… Otherwise it won’t let you (take the key out)…

Bloody Germans, they make their cars so safe, that we aren’t allowed to do anything dangerous, even if we wanted to. You see I already know that the gearbox won’t let me change gears except when its safe to. It turns on the wipers automatically, it self-parks, it beeps numerous warning sounds when I don’t put on my seat belt or lots of other things.

You’d think they actually won the war by all the bloody rules they have (look out I’m going to cop it from my ancestors for that one).

“So” I asked him “why won’t my car start?”

“I’ve no idea mate” he replied “you have to be a bloody computer guru to understand one of these cars”

“So what do I do then?” I asked rather frustrated

“You do what you do to any misbehaving computer” he laughed “you reboot it”

So the mechanic opened the bonnet, unattached the battery leads, waited for a minute or so. Then he reattached the battery, and amazing, the car started first go…

There is the battery box on the right of the motor at the back

He then told me that since I had rebooted, without saving my data, all the cars settings had reset themselves to the factory defaults… And before I could ask, he told me that since its a car there is no way to save the settings, it’s just too bad…

“Damn” I said “and I had just put in all of the radio stations… another wasted night reprogramming everything.”

I turned to the guy and said “Since when to Microsoft start making cars?”

“Yeah” he replied “you just got the blue screen of death, I suppose, except there is no computer screen”

The dreaded ‘Blue Screen of Death”, I used to have this kind of issue all the time with my Windows 95 computer, I just never thought I’d have it with my car…

Ok, so I’ll admit it, the honeymoon period with my new car is now officially over…

Capt. Savage

(Now knows how to reboot a car, what will I have to reboot next?)