Is there a right way to end things?

Is there a right way to end things?

Personally I’ve haven’t found one yet, and god I wish some of the women who have dumped me had that magic ‘gentle’ way to call it quits. For me however, it always jumps up and slaps me in the face, or I find myself slapping them in the face no matter how much I try to do it otherwise. Somehow endings for me always end up like some cheap movie script, with an evil bad guy and there is always an innocent victim…

So how have people ended it with you Capt?

This brings me onto another Top 10 list… And yes, I know it’s surprising Rose that 10 women have rolled my particular set of dice, of course this is assuming they all were women (god if only my life was that interesting). Some of these breakups may have happened to me, but I’ll let you be the judge.

So let’s me count down my top 10 breakups, starting at 10

10. Getting it via email… God I hate that… or worse still via bloody Facebook, and yes someone did end it with me by FB, but maybe I shouldn’t have announced that we were an item on FB in the first place. Guess I removed the deniability factor, and that apparently scared the crap out of them.

9. Tell me that I’m crap in the sack, now this may have some truth in it, but don’t tell everyone else about my lack of sexual prowess before you bother to mention it to me. Hasn’t anyone heard of natural justice…

8. Decide that the best way to get rid of me is to start cheating on me, and then have it off with another bloke in the back room of the café that we were partners in, and the operative word was WERE… That’s why I hate men who are good with languages, or in his case he was a pretty cunning linguist… at least that’s what he was practicing I think, in the backroom with my ex…

7. ‘”Do you want the good news or the bad news… ” Seriously, that is NOT how to tell someone its over.

6. Just leave one day and never come back, it would have been ok if you’d paid the bills and used a real name for the utilities account, instead of Zaphod Beeblebrox. Yep, someone I shared a place with actually persuaded people to connect up the gas, electricity and phone, using Zaphod as an alias (in case you don’t know who I mean, he was a character in Douglas Adams‘ ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe’. The picture above is Zaphod with the ultimate in plastic surgery, yep he wanted an extra head…

5. “So, the good news is, it’s treatable with antibiotics… “Finding out that you just got something horrible from your lover generally does it for me, no words required.

4. Nothing says “we’re over” like a good old-fashioned brawl in the middle of a family BBQ. Bring a chair… words hurt, but broken bones hurt more.

3. A bloody singing telegram… And yes I am old enough to remember (and have received) a telegram. Although, honestly, this was probably the worst way to deliver any message.

2. Leave a voicemail message on their answering machine, not fair, and then disconnect your phone so that I can’t call you… Oh, and of course move out, all at the same time… I suppose I should thank you, at least it made hating you a lot easier.

1. Ok, so here is something that’s novel, you could actually try being mature and tell me that you just don’t feel the same anymore. There is literally nothing as soul-crushing as the truth I can tell you. Also, it leaves me wondering what game you’re trying to play with my head, god honesty it’s just unheard of. Voila! You’ve ruined my love life for a good 8 months or so!

So what is the worst way that someone has broken up with you?

Capt. Savage

(Zaphod, and if I ever find you…)

Come on Girls… Bring it on…

She knows how to make the first move.

Ok Girls, Why don’t YOU make the FIRST move for a change?

Ok, I’m a guy (hard to believe I know Rose), but I’m here to tell you that it’s a real shot in the arm, when a woman shows blatant signs of interest in me. It’s kind of like finding a brand-new bicycle under the tree on Christmas morning. I may have wanted it so bad, but dared not say anything, especially since I’m middle-aged, and still living in my mom’s basement (well maybe not really, but you get the idea), and with no friends other than a couple of acquaintances from dating sites (failed dates). That bike under the tree was like a seductress. It was painted red, had lots of gears and expensive bits, it reeked of maleness (well maybe the lycra clad type).

Here is my cycling god, Fabian Cancellara, stubble, gritty, looks just like me…

I was exhilarated the first time I took her out on the town. I rode her proudly getting envious looks from all the other blokes. Did I care that I did nothing to get this new ride? Did I get all upset and tell the person who let me have the bike and throw my leg over it that I was too proud to accept it? Not a chance…

My idea of a sexy girl on a bike

And the point to this story?

There is an assumption that people who put out too easily, especially women on the first date, won’t be appreciated or respected (and may they are sluts).

However, is really a valid basis to form rules for sexual attraction? According to recent statistics (on a blog I found somewhere), six per cent of women approach men lustily for sex on the first or second date. Of this six per cent, over 60 per cent are successful. In other words, over half of those cute guys actually say yes (and loved it).

Okay, now let’s look at this from a different perspective.

A typical woman, who takes on the role as a ‘lady in waiting,’ has only a 33 per cent chance of getting into the pants of a guy. Incidentally, the guy, may or may not be all that cute. Statistics show that for every guy who asks a woman out, only one-third will even be of moderate interest to her. In other words, he may not be a wealthy, a gallant knight in a shiny Porsche, but he will at least have a dull, rusty, two-wheel scooter with a backseat (or in my case a new VW), and enough money for a dinner and a movie.

SO my thoughts girls, why not make the first move, especially when there is someone, in particular, you would like to get in bed with. The catch is, you can’t appear desperate.

Here’s what I think you should do…

Just ask hit on the guy if you fancy him, I personally am sick and tired of almost always having to be the initiator. If you are attracted to someone, why not just come on to them? If they are a bit shy or reluctant (like me), they may actually like it… And if it doesn’t work out, maybe that’s a good thing, then you know where you stand without doing the dating game and living in hope.

And why go cold after the first date or so? Why is it always me who has to push? I know that women of my generation seem to feel it’s the guys role, but it’s the 21st Century, GET OVER IT!!! Some of us blokes are shy, are scared of making the move, are worried about rejection, and would really appreciate that special person (potentially) hitting on us.

Why not take on the ‘male’ role guys, equal pay, equal work I say…


Why not make that first move on the shy guy?

I reckon asking a guy on a date would be easy if you give him (or me) the idea (or pretending it was his idea), and then letting him follow through with it. For instance:

You: “I’m thinking about going watching that a DVD at my place this weekend.”

Me: “That sounds great.”

You: “Why don’t you come over, it’s one of those Jason Bourne movies and I love action films, don’t you too?”

Him: “Sure, I’ll come around eight.”

Then all you have to do is take the initiative, make sure that one thing leads to another and, BINGO, next thing I’m making you toast and coffee the next morning…

Come on girls; why not use your weapons… You might be surprised… It’s far easier for you to hook us than us to hook you…

So Girls, am I barking up the wrong tree?

Or are you be willing be the one to make the first move?

Capt. Savage

(Sick and tired of having to be the fox, I’d love to be hunted just once in a while)

Teenage Depression and Signs of Teenage Depression

Reblogged from Teenage Depression and Signs of Teenage Depression.

What is Depression in Teenagers?

Have you ever experienced teenage depression? Do you know the signs of teenage depression?

Almost without exception, teenagers go through periods of being moody and antisocial. You may think that life sucks.

Is Your Teenage Life an Exception?

I was not an exception. I was sometimes really stupid. Sometimes up and sometimes down. No, it was not a teen depression, it was an ordinary teenage life. I loved my parents but sometimes I hated them. Sometimes I felt that nobody could understand me. Sometimes I was alone. Sometimes I thought that life sucks. Sometimes I was convinced that nobody could understand me.

Signs of teenage depression

Teenage Depression

Frankly to say, it is very difficult to spot the difference between what is normal teen mood and what is teenage depression. The most recent statistics show that about 20 percent of teens (every fifth) will experience teen depression and about 5 percent of teenagers are suffering from major depression.

In addition, a considerable percent of you have a false belief about having depression. See some examples among the teenage posts.

How can we describe a Teenager of healthy Psyche?

  • Having ideals, paragons who are worth to follow
  • Having plans to change the world
  • Having dreams about the future
  • Being in love
  • Having problem with the parents
  • Having problem with authorities
  • Being interested in music and dance
  • Open-minded
  • having a lot of conversations about the great questions
  • Wishing to know everything
  • Feeling that life is a challenge
  • Being sometimes up and sometimes down
  • Take the Mental Health Test to see your mental wellbeing

“The human soul has still greater need of the ideal than of the real. It is by the real that we exist; it is by the ideal that we live.” – Victor Hugo

Why are you reblogging this Capt? 

A concerned parent, we’ve all been there…

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine. She is really concerned about her daughter who is having some trouble at school. I think she (her daughter) is a lovely girl, intelligent, witty, beautiful (just like her mum). What this friend said to me made me reflect on my own teenage years, made me think about what it’s like to be a teenager, and I came across this blog which I thought had lots of very useful advice.

The main thing that I began to realise from my little bit of research (and common sense) is that there is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ or ‘model’ teenager. We unfortunately have a tendency to stereotype, to pigeonhole, to classify, often based on incorrect information from well-meaning (but unqualified or biased individuals). This free advice is typically from school counsellors or chaplains (with little or no formal training in mental health related issues), from relatives, friends, and worst of all frustrated ex-husbands or former or current boyfriends.

Do I think my friend’s daughter has a problem?

Well maybe, but it’s not life threatening, it’s growing up, its dealing with life’s challenges, it can be hard, but I think the trouble with what my friend is being told is (mostly by staff at her school and do-gooder’s with their own problems), just as Victor Hugo said “The human soul has still greater need of the ideal than of the real. It is by the real that we exist; it is by the ideal that we live.”

I think all too often we strive for the ideal, but we forget about what is real, we forget that we are all human, we expect conformity when in reality its our lack of conformity that makes as individuals, makes us special, makes us who we are.

So my advice to my friend?

I think she should stick with it, persist and continue to give support, give hugs, and recognise (as she does) that her daughter is going through a challenging phase (I won’t say just, that would be patronising).  From what I can see she may be just a bit more mentally mature than her peers, perhaps not interested in what they are interested in, and that this may come from my friend, because she treats her daughter as she is, a brilliant little rough cut diamond just waiting to be polished.

Capt. Savage

A roughcut diamond just waiting to be cut and polished

Platonic – by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I knew it the first of the summer,
I knew it the same at the end,
That you and your love were plighted,
But couldn’t you be my friend?
Couldn’t we sit in the twilight,
Couldn’t we walk on the shore
With only a pleasant friendship
To bind us, and nothing more?

There was not a word of folly
Spoken between us two,
Though we lingered oft in the garden
Till the roses were wet with dew.
We touched on a thousand subjects—
The moon and the worlds above,—
And our talk was tinctured with science,
And everything else, save love.

A wholly Platonic friendship
You said I had proven to you
Could bind a man and a woman
The whole long season through,
With never a thought of flirting,
Though both were in their youth
What would you have said, my lady,
If you had known the truth!

What would you have done, I wonder,
Had I gone on my knees to you
And told you my passionate story,
There in the dusk and the dew?
My burning, burdensome story,
Hidden and hushed so long—
My story of hopeless loving—
Say, would you have thought it wrong?

But I fought with my heart and conquered,
I hid my wound from sight;
You were going away in the morning,
And I said a calm good-night.
But now when I sit in the twilight,
Or when I walk by the sea
That friendship, quite Platonic,
Comes surging over me.

And a passionate longing fills me
For the roses, the dusk, the dew;
For the beautiful summer vanished,
For the moonlight walks—and you.

CS

Empty Nest

Reblogged from Trailertrashdeluxe’s Blog:


A haunting song by Chris Isaak‘s, Blue Spanish Skys…

Empty Nest

Posted on July 6, 2012


The world will end in three days
,
The moving van will be pulled up,
The walk-in closet will empty,
I’ll sit with my gold wedding cup.

The kids have all moved to the city,
The laughs and the heartaches are gone,
The space, just a void there between us,
No more of the sweet touch at dawn.

The world will end in three days,
She has a new place of her own,
I’ll drink cyanide with my nightcap,
And be gone, before dawn, all alone.

Now I know this post is probably fiction, done in response to a challenge at http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2012/07/trifextra-week-twenty-three.html 

But regardless it made me think about my own separation and divorce, although in my case I left rather than she left. But in reality the marriage and relationship had been broken for some time and it was just that I acted first before she did.

So TrailerTrash, a very moving poem, and it made me think of this very haunting song by Chris Isaak’s “Blue Spanish Sky”, which contains some really nice lyrics reflective of your own thoughts. In my case what I miss most is my children and the comfort of having a family.

The moment I finally walked out was in a way a release from sadness, as for so many months before I left I had been unhappy and feeling so alone. It was made more difficult because I felt I had to keep up the performance, i.e. appear to be the happy family man, when in fact my heart was broken. The confused look on my kid’s faces when I left said it all to me.

Great post TrailerTrash, thanks for sharing.

CS
(BTW I am now learning how to play this song on my guitar, and I know my daughter will HATE it when I play it to her in September, but who cares, I love it)

I don’t know why I didn’t come…

I’ve been lolling around my unit this morning, doing some washing and listening to music, when the random selection on my computer threw up this number. It got me thinking about a few things, as did a recent blog from my dear friend Rose. Her mother has just passed, and whilst it’s sad, it made me realise that, just as she wrote, how wonderful it is to look back and celebrate the lives of those we love, see http://butimbeautiful.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/farewell-to-the-loveliest-of-mothers/

All too often I think we dwell on the bad things, the things that irritate us, and forget to celebrate and enjoy the good bits while our loved ones are still with us. It’s so easy to bitch about things and point out someone’s faults. For some reason it is often so much harder to reach out to someone and tell them how much you care about them, how much they mean to you.

But for those close to us, such as our families and dear friends, there should be no reservation, no fear.

Rose’s mum was a beautiful, caring and kind person, just as my mum is and always will be to me.

Bravo Rose for celebrating your mum’s life and her impact on you and your family, and sharing it with us.

And why did you choose this particular song Capt? Well It says something about what I should have done last Friday, flowers are no substitute for being there, and I am sorry I missed the chance to say goodbye to someone really special, and being there for a very dear friend…

Capt. Savage

Back in the Saddle Again

Who does American country and western better than the Japanese?

It has been ages since I have been out on the town looking to chat up women. Not that I haven’t wanted to, it’s just that in the past I’ve always hunted in packs, i.e. with other mates. Since my divorce I’ve relied on the tried and tested, introduced by a friend method and the other obvious alternative, the internet. Both haven’t been that successful, not that I haven’t been out on quite a few dates or haven’t ended up meeting someone who I ended up having a fling with. But that was the extent of it, taking women out for dates, trying to think of things to say over a glass of wine or dinner, or fitting in conversation at the movies.

I personally hate internet dating, it is so impersonal to be rejected before you even get to meet up. Or to go and have coffee or a glass of wine, just to see if we hit it off. In a way I long for the good old pre-internet night on the town with friends, talking to people but having others around with you (for support). I’ve never been comfortable just going out by myself on the prowl, but what alternative do I have with the majority of my friends all married or still bitter and twisted after their divorces, regardless none of them want to go out looking for women.

Now my best friend (who’s a girl by the way) thought of a different approach to ‘get back in the saddle’ so to speak. She thought it would be a great idea if we went out together and both tried to pick-up people with the express aim of collecting rejections. This was initially discussed as a kind of anti-internet dating experiment, and I’m pretty good at getting told where to go by women, so maybe this could work.

Yep I’ve had a few rejections in my time

So I agreed to this challenge and thought, why not? But I really hadn’t thought this through, or even started to understand how I’d cope with this, but more of that later. But my friend was very persuasive, and it sounded a great idea to have her there to fall back on after I’d received a slap in the face or been told where to go. I even sounded kind of sounded fun, to go out with the specific idea of seeking out rejections, rather than worrying about whether the women involved would say yes or no, just do it regardless.

The evening started off fine, I got dressed in what we had decided was my best woman hunting gear, see the picture below.

Would you go out with this man? Looks like an axe murder I think…

My friend was going to come and pick me up and we were going to have dinner first at a little Thai restaurant not far from our intended hunting site, which was to be the night club at the local Casino. Things went as planned, well maybe as expected. She was late (as usual), but not that it really mattered, as a leopard can’t really change her spots (oh I’m going to cop it for that one).

The restaurant was fine, if a bit noisy (or maybe I’m just going deaf). We sat and discussed tactics for the night, and the general things we normally chat about. This felt very reassuring, to be with a close friend, relaxing over dinner, I almost felt keen to get going.

But then the first hiccup, the nightclub at our chosen venue wasn’t open on Friday nights (so much for our extensive research). So a bit of hurried discussion and we decided to head for an Irish pub not far from the Casino called King O’Malley’s, which always has a band on Friday nights.

A Typical Friday night at King O’Malley’s

So we arrived, me in my fake leather jacket and the coolest looks I could muster, and my friend who was ready for a night on the prowl. Shock horror as I walked into the place all of my bravado and confidence evaporated like sweat on the brow of a condemned man. While my friend started off the game like a polished professional I found that I just couldn’t get started.

I realised that I hadn’t thought this through, that I was totally out of my comfort zone, didn’t even know where to start really. You see I’ve never gone out with the express purpose of getting rejected. I always sit there pondering which women is the least likely to reject me and end up asking them up for a dance or if they want a drink. This concept of asking anyone was just not my normal way, not even remotely. Secondly, I am just a little bit older than when I last went out chasing women, well nearly 20 years older, but who’s counting. Things have changed just a little since the 80’s and 90’s, just a little.

Strangely however the music hadn’t, the cover band on the night was playing music that could have come from my own CD collection (or even my records god forbid). Not that that was a bad thing, it wasn’t bad music and most people were on the dance floor having a good time.

Soon my friend and I were dancing and she was getting a bit pushy, trying to get me to keep up my end of the rejection equation. Soon it was 2 to nothing her way, not that my friend was getting rejected every time, she was actually 1-1, although the guy who said yes was definitely doing a bit of cougar chasing. But that’s understandable as my friend is a pretty good-looking women, so it was no surprise to me that she had leapt into the lead.

My usual targets… Although maybe not this creative with their clothing options…

So did I eventually get off my fat butt and go and ask someone to dance? Yes I did, and strangely enough she actually said yes, and it felt kind of good too.

Did I get rejected? Well Der, obviously, but not by the expected targets, by the women who in my past I would have seen as the easy marks. The one who said yes to a dance wasn’t too bad-looking at all, in my past life she would have been the one I wouldn’t have asked (for fear of rejection).

So did I have a good time? Yes I did in the end, once Rose had cajoled, prodded, pushed, and embarrassed me into doing something.

And will I be doing this experiment again? Yes can’t wait, bring it on, although I’m not sure how I’m going to get home if my partner in crime is as successful as she was, I think I could end up getting a taxi alone… But what the hell, I am sure I will have had a good time regardless.

What was the eventual score? Rose 3 -1 (that I know about) and me 3-2, that’s 3 attempts to 2 rejections.

Capt. Savage

(Thanks Rose for sticking with me!!! And saying I’m good-looking! I need to borrow your rose-coloured glasses)

This would have been me dancing at King O’Malley’s, if I’d remembered to get someone to take a picture…