Week 21 – Karma gathering has never been so hard…

THE CHALLENGE. A man (Captain Savage). A woman (Rose). A quest. To earn enough karmic points by Christmas to be reincarnated as Something Nice. Maybe a 3 toed sloth, they have a pretty lazy life? (adapted stolen from Rose’s blog)

“Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

 

The Dalai Lama, what a cheeky chap…

The Captain’s Karma

So what did I get up to this week worthy of perhaps raising myself to a slightly higher reincarnation?

My life this week has revolved around my work, slavishly droning away preparing briefing papers for two meetings. It drove me nuts mostly, and I’m sure I drove the staff working with me nuts too. I was once again being whipped unmercifully by my devil like boss, Mr S …

Here I am, on the galley, slaving away… Oops, maybe this is my fantasy galley… Sorry…

This week I did do some good deeds, just a few squeezed in amongst the grunting and cursing (mostly when I’m at work btw).

I managed to make coffee for several of my staff, or pay for coffees, or some combination of that. I was also very nice to every woman that I could be, getting in practice for dating; just have to catch a slower moving target… Most women run far too fast.

If only I could make a coffee heart + smiley…

Maybe 2.5 points per cuppa = 10 points?

Plus, true knight and shining armour style, I loaned my almost unused vacuum cleaner to a desperate friend (and she appreciated it). Now what she was going to do with it I hope involved just floors and domestics… I’ve heard rumours however about backyard liposuction…

And I kid you not friends…

“Suck-It-Yourself

Liposuction at home

by Eve Rings Published November 8, 1999 in Crave

It would cost me about $2,500 to get the fat sucked out of my ass. It would cost me about $250 to get a Fantom Cyclone XT vacuum with HEPA filter and a free T-shirt. The Fantom Cyclone weighs 25 pounds. I think my ass weighs 25 pounds. It would take about 25 days (almost 4 weeks) for me to heal from ass surgery. If I ordered my vacuum today, it would take me about 5-10 days to receive it by standard shipping. Not only is the Fantom Cyclone XT a great way to do your home liposuction, but it utilizes a certified HEPA filter on the exhaust to trap minute particles such as pollen, mold, fungus, yeast cells, plant spores and many other household allergens.

So what more could you want, after a hard session of liposuction, you can use the Cyclone’s upholstery/pet hair tool to clean up the lounge room, and as an added bonus it comes with an environmentally friendly clear collection bin which you can wash in your dishwasher…”

I found this article on the Internet… It must be true… And the Fantom Cyclone, well I want one now…

So, dear friend, if I find one scrape of fat in my vacuum cleaner, I’ll know what you’ve been up to…

Here is my vacuum cleaner, or one very much like it, pre-liposuction…

So maybe I get some points for dropping off the vacuum? For whatever purpose it’s intended use is = 10 points

And just maybe, just maybe, I went out to the movies straight from work, and didn’t get home to feed dear little Miss T, my pussy. Now she may just have been a little upset with me, see https://captsavage.wordpress.com/2012/08/21/tale-of-my-naughty-pussy/ and just maybe I deserved it for not feeding her on time…

SO what do you think Miss Tabitha = Minus 5 points?

Rose’s Tally…

So this is Rose’s own summary of her efforts:

“what have I thrown out into my ocean this week? Pretty much nothing – I’m struggling just to stay afloat. Unless you count taking my treasured eldest sister to Birthday Breakfast on Sunday – CAN we count that, Ms A? Please?”

A Birthday Breakfast, perhaps it didn’t look like this?

But I think you Miss Rose are being a bit hard on yourself, your heart has and is always in the right place, even if your mind isn’t always… Yep your heart is that pumpy thing in your chest… And this week you have been a little bit distracted, see Rose’s post… http://butimbeautiful.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/the-karmic-challenge-week-21-does-the-universe-care-if-you-pick-your-nose/ and you’ll see what I mean…

So how about… = 5 points?

You don’t really need many anyway; you are so close to being reincarnated as perhaps a sleepy Wombat… Almost nirvana!!!

A Very sleepy Wombat…

Ta Da… and Week 22’s points tally is…

		Rose		The Capt.
Week No.	Week Ending	Rose’s Weekly Tally	Rose’s Running Total	Capt’s Weekly Tally	Capt’s Running Total
15	4/07/2012	200	406	50	205
16	11/07/2012	10	416	15	220
17	18/07/2012	10	426	20	240
18	25/07/2012	5	431	25	265
19	1/08/2012	5	436	20	285
20	8/08/2012	10	446	25	310
21	15/08/2012	15	461	30	340
22	22/08/2012	5	466	15	355

Capt. Savage

(Soon to be reincarnated as a small furry gerbil, so cute)

I’d be such a cute Gerbil…

Tale of my Naughty Pussy

Tale of a naughty Pussy

So off to the movies did one Capt go
He was running quite late and couldn’t go slow
But this meant he didn’t go home first
Which on reflection was one of his worst
Ideas that he’d thought of in ages you see
You never should leave your pussy alone to just be!
For cats without food are nothing but trouble
They are like a good stew left alone to bubble
Cause you know just as soon as you sit and get comfy
That’s when that damn stew overflows over all and sundry
Now Tabitha expects her dinner quite promptly
As soon as I walk in or else she gets quite grumpy
So by the time I got home it was closer to ten
Dear little miss Tabitha had had quite enough by then
All of this waiting for dinner you see
Had made her quite angry and was looking for me
So she ripped up some paperwork
She tossed things of the shelf on the floor
She raced round crazily
Soon as I walked in the door
She scratched at my legs
She jumped all around
She bit and chewed at back of my lounge
Then she ran in the laundry and jumped up and down
She didn’t quiet down till she had food in her bowl
And once again I knew that from her view that was my role
I may be her owner, her carer, her mate
But really my role is to fill up her plate

Capt. Savage
(Food supplier and litter tray cleaner)

T.S. Eliot Strikes Again… Macavity: The Mystery Cat

A Young clone of my cat Tabitha…

Insert Tabitha for Macavity, and Eliot could have been describing my mysterious disappearing cat, Tabitha. But on the weekend it was definitely describing the nocturnal messes that my mum’s cat ‘Oscar’ is currently creating… Mum keeps offering Oscar to me, but I have enough trouble with Tabitha…

Macavity: The Mystery Cat

By T.S. Elliott

Macavity’s a Mystery Cat: he’s called the Hidden Paw—

For he’s the master criminal who can defy the Law.

He’s the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad’s despair:

For when they reach the scene of crime—Macavity’s not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,

He’s broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.

His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,

And when you reach the scene of crime—Macavity’s not there!

You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air—

But I tell you once and once again, Macavity’s not there!

Macavity’s a ginger cat, he’s very tall and thin;

You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in.

His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly domed;

His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed.

He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;

And when you think he’s half asleep, he’s always wide awake.

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,

For he’s a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.

You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square—

But when a crime’s discovered, then Macavity’s not there!

He’s outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)

And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard’s

And when the larder’s looted, or the jewel-case is rifled,

Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke’s been stifled,

Or the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair

Ay, there’s the wonder of the thing! Macavity’s not there!

And when the Foreign Office find a Treaty’s gone astray,

Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,

There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair—

But it’s useless to investigate—Macavity’s not there!

And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:

It must have been Macavity!’—but he’s a mile away.

You’ll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumb;

Or engaged in doing complicated long division sums.

Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,

There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.

He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:

At whatever time the deed took place—MACAVITY WASN’T THERE !

And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known

(I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)

Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time

Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime!

And where are all these cat poems coming from Capt?

Well from a treasured book from my childhood that mum still has at home, and I happened to have a little read of it on the weekend when I called in to my mum’s. You might remember I re-blogged another of his classics a while ago, see https://captsavage.wordpress.com/2012/03/24/skimbleshanks-the-railway-cat-with-thanks-to-t-s-eliot/

Capt. Savage

(Becoming rather attached to his mischievous cat)

Cat Kisses – A Tale of Tabitha’s Tongue

This is the Kitten that’s being doing the Kissen, Tabitha, she of the very rough tongue…

Sandpaper kisses
On a cheek or a chin –
That is the way
for a day to begin!

Sandpaper kisses
A cuddle and a purr.
I have an alarm clock
That’s covered in fur!

Author Unknown

Capt. Savage

(I now know my place in the world, it’s to feed Tabitha and clean her litter tray)

The pleasures of a Pussy (Cat)

What is more relaxing
Than sitting home alone?
Sitting on my sofa
With a cat to warm my bones!!!
This wonderful addition
To my quiet little place
Well she’s playful as a kitten
But when her purr begins to race
Its something between a buzz-saw
And a very loud V8
But I love my new-found fur-ball
Even though I’ve just found out
That I really do not own her
No, not the slightest bit
For she only uses me for food
And to tickle her while she sits

CS