Tag Archives: Life’s Lessons

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Karmic Hairiness here I come…

THE CHALLENGE. A man (Captain Savage – a man who is about to become less hairy). A woman (the beautiful Rose). A quest. To earn enough karmic points by Christmas to be reincarnated as Something Nice. Ok I think I’m back on track, maybe this week I could be a lemur, they seem to have so much fun…

Those tails are just so cute, and those orange eyes…

Well what has happened during Week 30?

This week has been a week of Savage achievement, well not for this particular Savage, but for the lovely and engaging little Miss J…  as her dad, I am just so proud…

My daughter has always been the apple of my eye, and I’m enormously proud of her, as I’m sure all fathers are, in a most one-eyed fashion. But this week is rather special for me in relation to Miss J. Every time I spend time with her I encourage her reading, I even bought her a Kindle and loaded it up with nearly 100 classic books (from the dead writers society, you know the free ones), plus also a lot of kids type books too.

Miss J took to reading like a duck to water and at first I read to her, then we read together, with me putting on silly character voices, now Miss J reads to me, and does a really good job of it too. And at 8 years of age she is reading books I didn’t read until I was much older. She is currently reading Moby Dick, and not the comic book version either.

No, this isn’t Miss J, but you get the idea…

Not only is she good at reading, she writes pretty well as well, much better than I do, at least so she tells me whenever she get the chance. She has already been a contributor to this blog, refer… The Crazy Dream, which was her first contribution.

Then there is her sometimes infuriating habit of being quicker than my calculator at working out mathematics… Nobody likes a smarty-pants Miss J…

This would be her if she had half a chance, up showing off…

So why are you so proud of Miss J this week?

Well this week my ex-wife received my daughter’s NAPLAN report from her school… And she (Miss J) did really good… Better than even I, as her ever proud daddy, could have hoped…

Say What Capt., Her what? report?

Her NAPLAN report, ok, well it’s The National Assessment Program – Literacy and Numeracy (NAPLAN) and is an annual assessment for students in Years 3, 5, 7 and 9. It is an everyday part of the school calendar and has been since 2008. NAPLAN tests the sorts of skills that are essential for every child to progress through school and life, such as reading, writing, spelling and numeracy.

Little Miss J has been assessed as being in the top 1% of kids of her age for reading, creative writing and mathematical ability, I was totally blown away…

And I am so proud of you Miss J

So now Miss J is being given opportunities for special tutoring and extra classes, and I know where she gets it from… Well I’ll keep telling myself that regardless Rose…

So I must be doing something right?

But there is one little white cloud on the sunny horizon for little Miss J, she is cursed like me with the same issues that I suffered from at school, and which made me sometimes be, to quote fake Roman, Mr Sporticus Clumsicus.

My parents often wondered how the hell I lived through my childhood sometimes. But I’m kind of hopeful that little Miss J can, just like I eventually did, learn to make the most of her limited sporting capacity. Yes I eventually made the school athletics and cross-country teams (I think they were desperate actually). I would also have made the curly-headed, shortsighted, nerd team too, but they didn’t want to own up to having that team at my school.

So what about Karma for this week Capt?

Well, obviously this week I want to be reincarnated as Miss J, and hopefully live a highly successful life as a child prodigy/genius…

But actually I think I have earned a few Karmic Coins from the fountain.

Here we go, a few coins in a very famous fountain…

I have added to my collection of Karmic Karma raising activities by once again becoming a MoBro…

A Mo-What Capt?

Well every year for the last 9 years I have been shaving my face clean on the 1st of November and then growing a variety of hairy caterpillars on my upper lip, yep, growing Moustaches for Movember.

Here are a couple of lovely examples of Movember Moustaches

And what is Movember about?

During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of moustaches on thousands of men’s faces in Australia and around the world. The aim of which is to raise vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and male mental health.

Registering at www.movember.com, guys then start Movember 1st with a clean-shaven face and then for the rest of the month, these selfless and generous men known as Mo Bros, groom, trim and wax their way into the annals of fine moustachery. Supported by the women in their lives, Mo Sistas, Movember Mo Bros raise funds by seeking out sponsorship for their Mo growing efforts.

Mo Bros effectively become walking, talking billboards for the 30 days of November and through their actions and words raise awareness by prompting private and public conversation around the often ignored issue of men’s health.

At the end of the month, Mo Bros and their female supporters (known as Mo Sistas) celebrate their gallantry and valor by either throwing their own Movember party or attending one of the infamous Gala Partés held around the world by Movember, for Movember.

Want to help me to raise money for Movember?

Well you can, I have just set up my fundraising page, still got to finish putting up info and arrange my own Movember events, but you are welcome to chip in and support men’s health. My Movember site is at http://mobro.co/TheSavageMO, check it out!!!

How has the Beautiful Rose gone, well in a Karmic Sense? (She’s been gone in a few other senses for a while now…)

Well Rose has been fully occupied with lots and lots of things, all which are earning her mountains of Karma. She has taken her son, the incredibly debonair and intelligent (intimidatingly) Mr F, on an expedition to the beautiful Blue Mountains (where else would someone as beautiful as Rose go?).

The Three Sisters in the Blue Mountains

Rose has been doing wonderful things with the gorgeous and delightfully cheeky (shows no respect for us adults at all) Miss M.

She has also been doing heaps and heaps for her family…

As well as cleaning her house and getting it all fixed up too…

Let’s just admit it, Rose has been a very busy little vegemite!!!

See a Happy Little Vegemite, even has Rosy cheeks Rose…

So Week 30, what’s the score?

Well I’ll leave that up to the delicious Rose, what do you reckon I should put in for our scores?

Week No. Week Ending Rose’s Weekly Tally Rose’s Running Total Capt’s Weekly Tally Capt’s Running Total
15

4/07/2012

200

406

50

205
16

11/07/2012

10

416

15

220
17

18/07/2012

10

426

20

240
18

25/07/2012

5

431

25

265
19

1/08/2012

5

436

20

285
20

8/08/2012

10

446

25

310
21

15/08/2012

15

461

30

340
22

22/08/2012

1

462

15

355
23

29/08/2012

1

463

15

370
24

5/09/2012

1

464

15

385
25

12/09/2012

1

465

15

400
26

19/09/2012

1

466

15

415
27

26/09/2012

1

467

15

430
28

3/10/2012

1

468

15

445
29

10/10/2012

1

469

5

450
30

17/10/2012

 ?

#VALUE!

 ?

#VALUE!

Come on Rose, what’s the score?

Capt. Savage

Soon to be hairy lipped (Moustached)

Help me pick my Movember style below…




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The Capt. Hits the Karmic Accelerator… Week 29 on Steriods… And no concerns about anti-doping tests

THE CHALLENGE. A man (Captain Savage – a man with a Pink heart). A woman (Rose). A quest. To earn enough karmic points by Christmas to be reincarnated as Something Nice. Ok so maybe I’ve been a bit slack, but now I’m seeing Pink…

Ah Rose, you are such an inspiration to me…

Let me count the ways…

Well there is Mr. L, who you visit and who is now enjoying see you much more since the weather is allowing you to wear clothing that reveals more of Rosy-ness, see Week 27 – Wear a Low Cut Dress for Jesus!, for more sordid details. And I know what a trial Mr. L can be for you, just cast your mind back to… The Karmic Challenge – Week 19′s Bloodthirsty Pensioner Strikes Again!! .

Then there are the many causes you support such as the two kids you sponsor, see kounting-the-karma for details. Let’s also not forget the lovely old lady you visited prior to Mr. L.

Then of course there are your many animal causes, such as your recent ‘Anti Live Sheep Exports’ activities.

Rose joined the throng (mostly women I noticed), protesting violently (in the rain)

Also, there is the food you generously gave to the Cat Lady (the women who refused to part with one of her pussies to me), see Karmic Challenge – the Second Week! With lots and lots of pussy tails (and the rest of the cats as well).

Too be honest there are just too many Karmic efforts Rose for me to count them all, last but not least is your preservation and support of glue factory candidates, i.e. your own lovely little Clipsie, who you bought for your daughter to ride from someone who forgot to tell you she was blind. Many other people would have done otherwise, but you kept her, and are still making sure she is looked after.

Here is Clipsie with the divine Miss M and one of her friends

SO Rose, where will all this Karma take you? What reincarnation awaits you?

———————————————-

Well Capt, How about your Karmic struggle this week?

The other day I started to think about how fortunate I am to be alive, I know that sounds a bit morbid, but quite a few friends, relatives of friends, and members of my family, have been taken by the big “C” (Cancer).

SO this week I decided to burn rubber on my side of the Karmic Challenge…

So when someone suggested the idea of running a Pink Ribbon Breakfast, I leapt at the idea, well not the Breakfast bit, I like getting into work after breakfast, not for breakfast. So I decided that a morning tea would be better, so at the moment I am madly running around my workplace arranging a venue and people to make things for the morning tea.

Maybe this is something people will be munching at my Pink Ribbon Morning Tea…

Ok, so what is Pink Ribbon Day all about?

National Pink Ribbon Day is the major fund-raising activity of the National Breast Cancer Foundation in Australia. People can buy pins, badges, wristbands or just donate money to support cancer research.

Who does the money go to?

To the National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF) who are the leading community-funded organisation in Australia raising money for research into the prevention and cure of breast cancer. The NBCF works with the public and other sponsors to raise funds and to support cancer research.

Since the NBCF was established in 1994, $81 million has been awarded to fund over 300 Australian-based research projects across every state and territory to improve the health and wellbeing of those affected by breast cancer.

Their goal is to achieve zero death from breast cancer by 2030. With 38 Australians diagnosed each day and eight losing their battle, there is still much to do.

(Note it’s a Morning Tea not a Breakfast)

My Aim is?

To raise $1,000 for the National Breast Cancer Foundation (at a minimum). You can support my Morning Tea by making donations at… Support Capt. Savage’s Pink Ribbon Day Morning Tea

Yep, there will be plenty of clinking of cups and saucers at my Pink Ribbon Day Morning Tea…

What other Karmic Efforts have you made this week Capt?

Well, almost inspired by Rose, I’ve decided to do my best to support a horse event, well actually more accurately I’ve volunteered to help run a Melbourne Cup luncheon.

OK, so what is the Melbourne Cup?

The Melbourne cup is the horse race that practically stops a nation (Australia if you hadn’t guessed). You can get more details at this Melbourne Cup link.

Here are a couple of likely candidates riding in the Melbourne Cup last year…

I’m not sure that Rose will actually approve of this little effort, as it’s probably more about exploitation of horses than supporting them, but you never know, maybe she’ll join me at the luncheon on the day? Chicken and Champagne anyone?

So Rose, why don’t we make the target 750 points by Christmas, are you game enough?

Well I haven’t compared notes with Rose, but given our collective scores I think we need to bump the target. Because surely Rose you are already inline to be reincarnated as the woman who won the lottery, or married Bill Gates (but a hairier, more muscular, less nerdy version, but still EXTREMELY rich). I can picture you now, living out your days on your idyllic country retreat, surrounded by cuddly animals, and lots and lots of grandkids… (this concept probably would scare the pants off Miss M I think).

So What is the Karmic Tally for this week?

Week No. Week Ending Rose’s Weekly Tally Rose’s Running Total Capt’s Weekly Tally Capt’s Running Total
15 4/07/2012 200 406 50 205
16 11/07/2012 10 416 15 220
17 18/07/2012 10 426 20 240
18 25/07/2012 5 431 25 265
19 1/08/2012 5 436 20 285
20 8/08/2012 10 446 25 310
21 15/08/2012 15 461 30 340
22 22/08/2012 1 462 15 355
23 29/08/2012 1 463 15 370
24 5/09/2012 1 464 15 385
25 12/09/2012 1 465 15 400
26 19/09/2012 1 466 15 415
27 26/09/2012 1 467 15 430
28 3/10/2012 1 468 15 445
29 10/10/2012  ?? Rose  ?? Capt.

Capt. Savage

(Don’t forget, donations to Capt. Savage’s Pink Breakfast are more than welcome at Capt. Savage’s Pink Ribbon Morning Tea)

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Karmic Better Late Than Never Post… Week??

Here is the Dalai Lama doing a bit of finger waving at naughty Capt. Savage

THE CHALLENGE. A man (Captain Savage – a very slack person). A woman (Rose). A quest. To earn enough karmic points by Christmas to be reincarnated as Something Nice. The way I am going at the moment I will be coming back as a 3 toed sloth…

So where the heck have you been Capt. Savage? Why no posts for ages?

To be honest I have been in a bit of a downer since my kids went home the other week, watching them fly back to Queensland really was gut wrenching. The kids had just stayed with me for a week in Canberra, and while it wasn’t the best holiday I’ve spent with the kids, I did feel torn up when I had to drop them off at the departure lounge and I watched my daughter run off to be with her mum and her new partner.

I shouldn’t feel sad, as I enjoyed my time with the kids and I know that their mother cares just as much as I do for the kids and they should be glad to see her and their stepfather, but logic doesn’t always triumph over emotions and your heart.

I took the kids to a few playgrounds, down to the Cotter River with Rose and her 3 dogs. The dogs didn’t care that the water was cold, they had a great time. Rose kindly took my daughter for a wander amongst the rocks, as I’d forgotten to bring my thongs (footwear for those unfamiliar, not the other sort).

So here are some photos from the week with the kids.

Here are the boys playing around by the Cotter River near Canberra, looks nice and warm but the water was freezing

Here is Rose, notice that the photo is suitably blurry, not sure what I was doing wrong that day, my expensive Nikon DSLR was taking terrible pictures (couldn’t be the operator??). It is a lovely spot really, as is Rose…

Here are the kids at an adventure playground about 15 minutes from home, Mr. J just wasn’t interested

Here is Mr. B going down the big slippery slide at the playground, and not too sure about it either

And here is Miss. J going down, more worried about her hat than the slide really

The even bigger slide that Mr. B just wouldn’t go down, no matter how many time Miss. J did it

Miss. J doing what she does best, showing off while balancing on one leg on a fake lizard

Mr. B on top of Canberra’s Telecom (Telstra) Tower, god it was windy that day, I’d just been running around trying to get Mr. B’s hat (I’m holding it while shooting this shot)

And here is Miss. J a.k.a. ‘Eskimo Girl’ trying to get out of the wind

Ok, so you have been feeling a bit low, but that’s no excuse for not doing your Karmic Post Capt!!!

Yep, I agree with Rose, who has been quietly able to do Karmic Posts while I have been acting like a bit like a hermit in my little cave (my unit). And actually doing a web post is kind of therapy rather than torture, although some of my attempts at poetry can be quite torturous I’m told.

So how did we fair Karmically (don’t think that’s actually a word Capt.) over the last few weeks?

Well Rose is so Karmic that she is already almost at her target of 500 points… and she still has nearly 3 months to go. So using the law of diminishing returns, I’ve decided to make it harder for you Rose, and also to allow me some faint hope of catching you before December. So I’ve given you a point for each week, generous I think. And for Me, well I used my weekly average up to now (15)… Creative accounting at its best I reckon Rose.

Week No.

Week Ending

Rose’s Weekly Tally

Rose’s Running Total

Capt’s Weekly Tally

Capt’s Running Total

15

4/07/2012

200

406

50

205

16

11/07/2012

10

416

15

220

17

18/07/2012

10

426

20

240

18

25/07/2012

5

431

25

265

19

1/08/2012

5

436

20

285

20

8/08/2012

10

446

25

310

21

15/08/2012

15

461

30

340

22

22/08/2012

1

462

15

355

23

29/08/2012

1

463

15

370

24

5/09/2012

1

464

15

385

25

12/09/2012

1

465

15

400

26

19/09/2012

1

466

15

415

27

26/09/2012

1

467

15

430

28

3/10/2012

1

468

15

445

 

ANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE SCORES SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO THE HAND… AND IT AINT LISTENING…

One of my favourite silly movies, Sacha Baron Cohen at his best (or is that his worst)

And you really should keep yourselves abreast of Rose’s recent post, it was thrilling for good old Mr. L, who apparently needed oxygen afterwards, bring on summer I say… And no, wearing a similar outfit for me won’t give you any more points, although I’m not going to discourage you…

The Karmic Challenge: Week 27 – Wear a Low Cut Dress for Jesus! (great title Rose)

Plus I love the concept of Gucci the animal activist (only animals can be really, and yes I know Rose, we are animals too). Sorry that I let the wet weather keep me at home in my cave, but to be truthful I wasn’t the best of company recently.

Capt. Savage

(Finally out of his hermit cave and back blogging)

 

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It’s a Celebration… Thanks to you all!!! And another Award for Rose…

Yes it’s a celebration…

Thanks for all the attention, I am just blushing really…

Sydney really knows how to celebrate new Year, the glorious coat hanger in the background (that’s the Sydney Harbour Bridge for you non-Sydney people)

Ok Capt. What the heck are you talking about?

Well this week my humble little blog passed the following milestones, and excuse my little bit of trumpet blowing and celebrating, but this week (as of posting and now updated):

  • The blog just passed 500 likes
  • There are now over 70 followers of this blog (72 73 to be exact)
  • 658 666 comments have been made (ok maybe 50% of them were replies by me)
  • This is my 125 post
  • I have 38 blog followers on Twitter
  • I have 10 blog followers on Facebook
  • This has been my busiest month on the blog (667  700 views) and I still have a day to go!!!
  • And there has been 3,141 3,180 views of the blog in total (and 700 for August alone)
  • And my daily average has just hit 23 overall and 28 for this week…

I really appreciate you taking the time to read my blog entries, I really do!!!

This all started off as a little experiment on my behalf, and very much as a result of prompting from my dear friend Rose from http://butimbeautiful.wordpress.com/. I never really thought that anyone could be bothered to read my dribble, but here I am 8 months later still blogging (started this blog in January this year), and I’m loving it.

So thanks Rose, thank you for giving me a whole new outlet, and it’s been a great release.

So Rose to honour your inspiration,

I Award You (Drum Roll Please)

The Inaugural Capt. Savage Blogger Inspiration Award…

Ta Da…

Here is my alter-ego, ready and waiting to award you…

So what mindless things do you have to do now?

So what do you have to do in return for this most prestigious and one of a kind award?

Well Rose, I expect you to do the following 5 things (and as usual in no particular order)

  1. Break the new ban on doing hand stands (and post the picture on your blog), see http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2012/08/28/3577470.htm

     

  2. Put up a YouTube video of yourself dancing on your blog (that should be entertaining)

     

  3. Explain to me why my vacuum cleaner has never been the same since you borrowed it (I’m sure it’s the liposuction)

     

  4. Sit and watch the Jason Bourne Trilogy with me (without falling asleep)

     

  5. And nominate a Gazillion other bloggers for this most prestigious, soon to be no longer unique, award.

And Yes Rose, it’s your fault that I am now addicted to blogging…

And by the way, sorry I still haven’t done my weekly Karmic Challenge post, I’m a slacker I know.

Ok, maybe I only put in this clip cause Alanis Morissette is running around in the nude, and it’s a weird clip, but the title sounded appropriate at the time ok!!!

Thank YOU

Thank you fellow bloggers for taking the time the taking the time to read my blog, it is only my mad ramblings, but I enjoy it and that’s all that matters. The fact that others also take the time to read it too is just icing on my cake, so thanks!!!

Capt. Savage

(Aiming for 5,000 page views and 100 followers by 31 December, 2012)

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Go Back To Where You Came From… A great 2nd series so far!!!

20120828-233656.jpg

http://www.sbs.com.au/goback/

I watched a very interesting program on the Australian TV channel SBS tonight, and then watched the online discussion, so no time to do a Karmic Challenge post tonight (Sorry Rose). The program was the 2nd series about boat people or so-called illegal immigrants. In this series 6 ‘prominent’ Australians are introduced to former illegal immigrants and then sent to Somalia and Afghanistan to experience what it is like from the other side of the fence. I found the first episode very interesting, especially the reactions of the participants as they became deeper and deeper involved in the experience, and the obvious danger of day to day life in the two countries they had been sent to.

20120828-234103.jpg
Here is the reaction of one participant to being in Somalia

20120828-234052.jpg
And everyone was happy to be in Afghanistan too (not)

Will it change the attitudes of any of them

Not so far, but this is only the first instalment of promises to be a very interesting and perhaps challenging second series. If anyone from overseas wants to see the series, you can watch it online http://www.sbs.com.au/goback/videos and join in the online discussion pages and pose questions as well. I am going to watch the next episode with interest, but I enjoyed the first one, shocked by the conditions in Somalia, more than Afghanistan, as the former doesn’t get much coverage but the latter gets plenty (mostly about coalition soldiers being killed unfortunately).

Capt. Savage (An interested observer)

20120828-233741.jpg

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The terrors of the 21st Century, the day I had to reboot my car!

This is what I felt like doing on Sunday night, I just couldn’t find a bit of branch to whip my car with.

I have a new car, you know that lovely shiny new Volkswagen Golf that I picked up the other day. Well on the weekend I thought I would take it for a spin to a mates place to show it off. He has one too, but mine is just a little bit more special than his… Well at least I think it is…

Here is my new baby

Isn’t she lovely, btw all my cars are girls…

So what has you so upset with her Capt?

Well my darling daughter rang me up just as I was about to get home from my trip. So I thought I’d talk to her on my hands free in the car, rather than calling her back when I got home… So we had a lovely little chat about things, talked about her impending visit with her two brothers, and how she is going at school. Then I hung up and did what you normally do when you want to drive off, I turned the key and tried to start the car…

Nothing happened, well apart from it briefly coughing a bit, then promptly stopping…

I tried again, cough cough, then nothing…

I was starting to get a bit frustrated, there was plenty of diesel in the tank, the battery seemed ok, and it had just driven 50 odd kilometres, not a problem at all.

So I took stock of things, thought maybe I was doing it wrong, not holding my tongue in the right direction, I crossed my fingers and gave it one my go… Cough Cough and nothing. I also noticed this funny error message on one of the displays in the car, ‘Key not recognised’, sounded funny as it was the key I had been using all day.

So I resorted to reading the manual, I was getting pretty irritated by now, no explanation of this error message. Then I decided I’d take the key out of the ignition, call for help, and wait outside the car.

Well no, my car was having none of that, it wouldn’t let me take the key out of the ignition…

AARGH!!!! The last straw… I was starting to fall out of love with my new mistress (my VW).

This was me… Except my teeth aren’t nearly this well looked after.

So I sat locked in my car, waiting for the roadside mechanic to come and fix the car… 20 or so minutes later a cheery chap for the local roadside assist company (NRMA) turned up to see what the problem was…

He listened to my tale of woe and first off said the obvious, “you haven’t had this car very long, have you”…

I replied, “well no, just a couple of weeks”.

Then he informed me, “Well you should have asked someone how to operate it before you drove it out of the showroom”.

I said, “it’s a car, I can drive already”.

But he said in a soothing voice, “this is a Volkswagen, it’s not just a regular car”.

Here is the NRMA van… Or one very similar

“well ok” I said “what should I have asked about”

He then pointed out that to remove the key you must have the car in Park (gear)… Otherwise it won’t let you (take the key out)…

Bloody Germans, they make their cars so safe, that we aren’t allowed to do anything dangerous, even if we wanted to. You see I already know that the gearbox won’t let me change gears except when its safe to. It turns on the wipers automatically, it self-parks, it beeps numerous warning sounds when I don’t put on my seat belt or lots of other things.

You’d think they actually won the war by all the bloody rules they have (look out I’m going to cop it from my ancestors for that one).

“So” I asked him “why won’t my car start?”

“I’ve no idea mate” he replied “you have to be a bloody computer guru to understand one of these cars”

“So what do I do then?” I asked rather frustrated

“You do what you do to any misbehaving computer” he laughed “you reboot it”

So the mechanic opened the bonnet, unattached the battery leads, waited for a minute or so. Then he reattached the battery, and amazing, the car started first go…

There is the battery box on the right of the motor at the back

He then told me that since I had rebooted, without saving my data, all the cars settings had reset themselves to the factory defaults… And before I could ask, he told me that since its a car there is no way to save the settings, it’s just too bad…

“Damn” I said “and I had just put in all of the radio stations… another wasted night reprogramming everything.”

I turned to the guy and said “Since when to Microsoft start making cars?”

“Yeah” he replied “you just got the blue screen of death, I suppose, except there is no computer screen”

The dreaded ‘Blue Screen of Death”, I used to have this kind of issue all the time with my Windows 95 computer, I just never thought I’d have it with my car…

Ok, so I’ll admit it, the honeymoon period with my new car is now officially over…

Capt. Savage

(Now knows how to reboot a car, what will I have to reboot next?)

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The Capt. Savage Dating Wheel of Fortune

So how was your day Capt?

Well over the last few days I have been giving the old Internet Dating ‘Wheel of Fortune’ a spin.

It all started off ok, I had a lovely bunch just down the road from my house. It was another of my ‘wheel of fortune’ dates, where the intrepid Capt. Spins the wheel and sees what the dating gods have offered up for him. This time it was Miss S, who was a lovely and interesting lady, a truly dedicated person who apparently works tirelessly for charity, was very funny and entertaining, and has a pussy cat just like I do.

We shared brunch and chatted and all was going great, until, and there is always an ‘until’, the subject of my recently cultivated beard came up. You see, none of my photos on the dating site have me wearing a beard. Apparently according to Miss S, beards are a bit old hat, don’t you think they make you look old, I’d be worried about that if I was you…

I was starting to feel just a tad offended at this point, as I am desperately trying to achieve my ultimate beard look, and here are a few of my role models, what do you think?

George, Pierce and Daniel, what hunks… And with a beard I look so much like them!

Anyway, beards make you look manlier… And I’m not taking it off just because some stupid date thinks I should… Na Na De Na Na…

So, once I had settled down from the beard discussion, we moved onto children. Now I have three of my own, who incidentally don’t live with me, but who I do visit every school holidays for at least a week at a time. I love kids, especially my kids…

Well Miss S also has kids and first off she told me about her two foster children, but that was ok as they are all grown up and moved out of home. But I got the sense that I hadn’t reach the end of this story, so after a bit of probing she then told me about her 5 other children… At this point I started to do my accounting thing, ‘Say what, you have 7 children?’… And I broke out into a cold sweat…

And I started having flashbacks of Steve Martin movies…

Cheaper by the dozen…

But I am being a little unfair, Miss S was a lovely lady and I walked away from our late brunch feeling like I’d like to have another session to see where things could go. Once again, it’s nice to go out with someone without any pressure, well apart from a few subtle beard removal hints…

So will you roll the dice with Miss S again? Yep probably, she was fun…

Next I visited my mates Mark and Heather, it’s always great to catch up with old friends and we had a coffee and they checked out my new car… We had coffee at a quaint little coffee shop, the type that is full of semi-antique furniture and the walls are covered in local painters semi-satisfactory efforts, and everthing including the furniture has a price tag on it.

This is the sort of ‘quaint’ I mean

That being said the company was great (my friends) and the coffee and the brownies weren’t too bad either.

I left the coffee shop and bid my friends a fond goodbye, promised not to leave it so long next time, and wandered to my car with a nice feeling and relaxed, all ready for my second date for the day…

What’s this Capt? 2 dates in the one day?

Yep, I’m building up to a movie script idea that I’ve been toying with, “3 dates and a funeral” or maybe considering how my recent dating history has been going, maybe “3 dating disasters and my own funeral”.

Miss K was a very interesting lady, as was the venue chosen by her. Normally I meet ladies at restaurants, coffee shops, bars, that sort of thing, well Miss K wanted to meet up in the main bar at the local Ex-Serviceman’s Club. It’s the kind of place that old pensioners and war veterans meet up at to talk about old times, maybe watch the football, and get drunk.

Yes, for everyone outside of Australia, there really is a Rooty Hill RSL club… And by the way the club I went to was not nearly as nice as this one…

So what was Miss K like Capt?

A picture tells a thousand words, so they say, and Miss K was worthy of probably more than that. I couldn’t find a suitable picture in my trolling of Google pics, but I suppose this was as close as I came to it.

She was perhaps this scary…

So why did you hang around?

Mainly because I just couldn’t work out what she was on about, or perhaps what she was on. She had everything going for her. I hadn’t picked up from her dating site profile that she smoked like a chimney, drank like a fish, she drank 3 schooners (375 ml) of beer while I was talking to her. She swore like a trooper and in the middle of the conversation, which was pretty one-sided (mostly her side), she told me she frequented chat rooms with men (the internet ones) and often stayed up doing this until 4-5 in the morning. All this while drinking beers and chain-smoking.

The ashtray was getting pretty full while we ‘chatted’

I thought that we had reached the bottom of her particular barrel when she told me that her husband had walked out on her with the kids because he couldn’t take her anymore. Apparently she had been sleeping around ‘a bit’.

By this time I had reached the end of my tolerance, and said that I had better get going, and felt like saying thanks for the free cigarettes (gained from all the smoke blown in my direction). But that’s when she suggested that maybe I would like to come home with her and, well do I really have to spell out the rest… This is when I nearly fell off my bar stool…

I wish I could have seen my own face…

After I picked my jaw off the floor, I said politely, no thanks… and I walked the lovely Miss K to my car and drove her home.

Will you be seeing Miss K again?

You know, I am being a bit unfair… Miss K is one troubled lady. She is obviously an alcoholic; she looked like hell, which is not the way to make an impression when you meet a guy. When I rang her as I was leaving my friend’s place to meet up with her, she was still in bed, apparently sleeping off the previous nights all night internet chat room session.

I feel sorry for Miss K, but I won’t be seeing her again. But it made me realise how fortunate I am not to be in that sort of situation.

You see Miss K lives alone in a single room bed sit. She apparently has few (if any) friends, and sees very little of her children (apparently at their request). And its apparent to me that what I view as normality or perhaps sanity is not always what is reality, you see Miss K really thinks she is doing ok, at least that’s what she tried to convince me.

Where to next Capt?

So I think I will give the dating wheel of fortune a miss for a few weeks…  Today wasn’t the best of days, at least as far as dating went.

Although Miss S was a heap of laughs… And maybe I get Karma points for bringing some happiness to some lonely women, although I don’t think Miss S is that lonely and Miss K, well…

Capt. Savage

(Intending to remain hairy and bearded, regardless of his growing and uncanny resemblance to Father Christmas)

 

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Stories of mum: my mother’s vibrator

Stories of mum: my mother’s vibrator

Hi mum (kiss kiss, hug) How’s your week been?

Fine, you know, same as always…there’s just one thing, I can’t get that jolly vibrator to work!

What? Your vibrator?

Yes.  You know, that thing.  That vibrates.  I plugged it in, so it’s not a battery problem or anything..It heats up, so that’s not the problem.  It just doesn’t vibrate like it’s supposed to.

Oh. (puzzles) Ohhhhh.  That thing, Your VIBRATOR.  Er, mum, I think you mean your vibrating back pillow.  You do know what a vibrator is, don’t you?

Cup of tea?  No…what do you mean?

A vibrator is, um, one of those things that you buy that you hold up against your, you know, and it gives you orgasms.  You buy them in sex shops.

You hold it up against your..but why would you want to do that?

Well, suppose you didn’t have a man around, and you felt like sex, well there’s this little machine in your bedside drawer and you have that instead.  Or, some people have it even when there IS a man around.

Oh. (pause) Well I’ve never heard of THAT.  And frankly I don’t see the point.  How strange.  Now about that vibrator..

Darling mum, wherever you are in the ether (or not), have a big virtual hug!

Rose, that’s a cute story, but Rose’s mum was far more liberal and progressive than mine. My mum still hasn’t told me sex, and I think she would collapsed from shock if I discussed vibrators, CS

From my friend Rose of http://butimbeautiful.wordpress.com

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Another Savage Top 10 – My deadly residents of Canberra

Is Australia really a Dangerous Place?

Yes, Australia is an extremely scary place, isn’t it, how can you possibly expect to survive? Well, I have and I’ve been walking around Australia since 1961 (I really am that old), and the point is that I am still walking around.

And yes, I know we’ve got all kinds of venomous snakes and spiders, plus sharks, crocodiles, killer jellyfish and a whole host of other venomous things. But is the fear of Australia’s creatures really justified. Let’s look at the facts.

  • Snakes: With 41 recorded deaths between 1980 and 2009, snake deaths in Australia average out at less than two per year.
  • Spiders: Nobody in Australia has died from a spider bite since 1979 after the successful introduction of antivenom for all native species.
  • Sharks: Accounted for 25 deaths between 2000 and (March) 2012 in Australia, about 2 a year.
  • Crocodiles: Historically, crocodiles account for less than one death per year here in Australia, although that is increasing slightly as the crocodile population rises following the ban on crocodile hunting in 1971.
  • Blue Ringed Octopus: Just 3 recorded deaths in the last century.
  • Stonefish: One unconfirmed death by stonefish in 1915.
  • Cone Snails: I could find no recorded deaths from cone snails in Australia whatsoever.
  • Killer Jellyfish: Jellyfish account for (at time of writing) 66 deaths since records began in 1883. The box jellyfish was responsible for 64 deaths, and the Irukandji the other two. It sounds a lot, but still less than one death per year, more like just half a death per year.

So Australia’s dangerous creatures kill about five people a year.

So what are Australia’s worst killers!

  • Here in Australia, about 20 people a year die from horse riding accidents.
  • Around 10 people per year in Australia die from European Honey Bee stings after going into anaphylactic shock.
  • And around 300 people a year drown.
  • And in 2011 1,295 people died in road accidents

So the best advice I would give anyone about staying safe in Australia would be nothing to do with avoiding scary creatures. It would be “swim between the flags” if you are going to take a dip in the sea. Or better still, don’t hire a car here, travel by bus, train, taxi or air.

Does that put it into perspective?

Source: http://www.bobinoz.com/migration-advice/australias-killer-creatures-the-truth-about-deaths/

So what deadly creatures do infest Canberra Capt?

The Sydney funnel-web spider (Atrax robustus)

Funnel-web spider venom is highly toxic, and all species should be considered potentially dangerous. Males roam at night, especially during or after rain, and may enter houses. Bites by males of two large species, the Sydney funnel-web and northern tree funnel-web, have resulted in death.

So here is some good advice, if you are camping or out and about in Canberra:

  • wear gloves when gardening
  • know what a burrow looks like
  • wear shoes when walking
  • close tent flaps
  • carefully shake out any footwear, clothes and sleeping bags left on the ground overnight, as the spiders hide during the day.

First aid if bitten:

  • keep calm
  • move only if necessary
  • if a limb is bitten, apply pressure bandage to bite area and around limb towards heart
  • immobilise limb with a splint
  • collect spider specimen (even if squashed)
  • seek medical aid as soon as possible.

Next are the slippery snakes…

Eastern Brown Snake or Common Brown Snake – Highly venomous

The Eastern Brown Snake is slender, but can grow to lengths of more than 2m. It has a small head. The snakes’ colouring ranges from tan, through brown to almost black. The underside is pale yellow, with small dark-orange blotches. Adults tend to be un-patterned. Juveniles have quite a different appearance to adults, with a black head, yellowish body and often narrow black bands across the body and tail.

And lookout, there are loads of similar species

There are a number of other snakes which occur in the Canberra region which can be confused with the Eastern Brown Snake. Confusion is especially common between juvenile Eastern Brown Snakes and other species. The Black-headed Snake (Suta spectabilis dwyer) has a much darker body and tail than the juvenile Eastern Brown. Juvenile Eastern Brown Snakes are also mistaken for Highland Copperhead (Austrelaps ramsayi), however, the copperhead doesn’t occur in the Canberra urban area. The Mainland Tiger Snake (Notechis scutatus) is another snake which can be confused with the juvenile Eastern Brown, although like the Highland Copperhead, Mainland Tiger Snakes do not inhabit the urban areas of Canberra. The head of the Mainland Tiger Snake is bigger than the Eastern Brown, and when threatened, tiger snakes will hiss loudly, and flatten their head and neck.

(Source ACT Urban Services)

Red-Bellied Black Snake – Highly venomous

Tiger Snake – Highly venomous

Curl Snake – Highly venomous

Death Adder – Extremely venomous (seriously dangerous if this sucker bites you)

Death adders are mainly active at night and unlike most other snakes, death adders will not necessarily retreat when approached. This makes them more easily trodden upon or disturbed by the unwary. However, they are often less likely than other venomous snakes to strike unless actually touched, but great caution is still advised.

Southern Copperhead Snake – Highly venomous

The Red-Back Spider

Redback spiders, Latrodectus hasselti, are almost too familiar to need description. Mature female redbacks are jet black spiders with a variable red stripe on the back of their spherical abdomen. Immature females are smaller, usually brown with whitish markings. Their tough, untidy webs are usually near the ground with the spider hiding in a shelter tucked in a corner, often guarding her round woolly egg sacs. Male redback spiders are rarely seen. They are small and brown with red and white markings. Redback spiders are found throughout Australia, in drier habitats and built-up areas. They are common in dry places around buildings, outdoor furniture, machinery and stacked materials.

In the bush, redback spiders nest under logs and rocks. There is some evidence to suggest that redbacks are not native to Australia. Redback spider bites usually occur when part of the body comes in direct contact with the spider or its web.

And yes you should check around the toilet seat in case of Red-Backs, you just never know…

And here is one for the girls – after mating – the tiny male redbacks are eaten by the much larger female.

Redback spiders are not aggressive, and rarely leave the web. But they are still seriously venomous, you should note that after a bite, the onset of pain may be delayed for five minutes then increase in intensity. Subsequent symptoms vary but have included: nausea; vomiting; abdominal or generalised pain; sweating; restlessness; palpitations; weakness; muscle spasm; fever (Sounds like me before and during a date). But seriously, anyone bitten by a redback spider should seek medical attention.

Eastern or Common Bearded Dragon

These guys aren’t really venomous, but they do have a nasty bite which often causes problems from infection (bacteria). The Bearded Dragon is a large lizard, sometimes growing to over 50cm, averaging around 40cm. The most obvious feature is its extendable throat which looks like a beard. They are grey to brown in colour with only faint markings (except on juveniles which have pale blotches on each side of the back). The interior of the mouth is yellow. The dragon has spines on the back of the head, on the beard and running down the side of the body. The body is short, while the tail is very long.

The Eastern Water Dragon

These guys are also non-venomous, but do have a nasty bite. They are grey to olive-brown, with black bars running across the body and tail. Adults can reach around 90cm total length, with an average of around 60cm. A row of spines runs from the back of the head down the body and tail.

Capt. Savage

(And yes I always check under the toilet seat, especially as the females eat the males…)

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Week 21 – Karma gathering has never been so hard…

THE CHALLENGE. A man (Captain Savage). A woman (Rose). A quest. To earn enough karmic points by Christmas to be reincarnated as Something Nice. Maybe a 3 toed sloth, they have a pretty lazy life? (adapted stolen from Rose’s blog)

“Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

 

The Dalai Lama, what a cheeky chap…

The Captain’s Karma

So what did I get up to this week worthy of perhaps raising myself to a slightly higher reincarnation?

My life this week has revolved around my work, slavishly droning away preparing briefing papers for two meetings. It drove me nuts mostly, and I’m sure I drove the staff working with me nuts too. I was once again being whipped unmercifully by my devil like boss, Mr S …


Here I am, on the galley, slaving away… Oops, maybe this is my fantasy galley… Sorry…

This week I did do some good deeds, just a few squeezed in amongst the grunting and cursing (mostly when I’m at work btw).

I managed to make coffee for several of my staff, or pay for coffees, or some combination of that. I was also very nice to every woman that I could be, getting in practice for dating; just have to catch a slower moving target… Most women run far too fast.


If only I could make a coffee heart + smiley…

Maybe 2.5 points per cuppa = 10 points?

Plus, true knight and shining armour style, I loaned my almost unused vacuum cleaner to a desperate friend (and she appreciated it). Now what she was going to do with it I hope involved just floors and domestics… I’ve heard rumours however about backyard liposuction…

And I kid you not friends…

“Suck-It-Yourself

Liposuction at home

by Eve Rings Published November 8, 1999 in Crave

It would cost me about $2,500 to get the fat sucked out of my ass. It would cost me about $250 to get a Fantom Cyclone XT vacuum with HEPA filter and a free T-shirt. The Fantom Cyclone weighs 25 pounds. I think my ass weighs 25 pounds. It would take about 25 days (almost 4 weeks) for me to heal from ass surgery. If I ordered my vacuum today, it would take me about 5-10 days to receive it by standard shipping. Not only is the Fantom Cyclone XT a great way to do your home liposuction, but it utilizes a certified HEPA filter on the exhaust to trap minute particles such as pollen, mold, fungus, yeast cells, plant spores and many other household allergens.

So what more could you want, after a hard session of liposuction, you can use the Cyclone’s upholstery/pet hair tool to clean up the lounge room, and as an added bonus it comes with an environmentally friendly clear collection bin which you can wash in your dishwasher…”

I found this article on the Internet… It must be true… And the Fantom Cyclone, well I want one now…

So, dear friend, if I find one scrape of fat in my vacuum cleaner, I’ll know what you’ve been up to…


Here is my vacuum cleaner, or one very much like it, pre-liposuction…

So maybe I get some points for dropping off the vacuum? For whatever purpose it’s intended use is = 10 points


And just maybe, just maybe, I went out to the movies straight from work, and didn’t get home to feed dear little Miss T, my pussy. Now she may just have been a little upset with me, see https://captsavage.wordpress.com/2012/08/21/tale-of-my-naughty-pussy/ and just maybe I deserved it for not feeding her on time…

SO what do you think Miss Tabitha = Minus 5 points?

Rose’s Tally…

So this is Rose’s own summary of her efforts:

“what have I thrown out into my ocean this week? Pretty much nothing – I’m struggling just to stay afloat. Unless you count taking my treasured eldest sister to Birthday Breakfast on Sunday – CAN we count that, Ms A? Please?”


A Birthday Breakfast, perhaps it didn’t look like this?

But I think you Miss Rose are being a bit hard on yourself, your heart has and is always in the right place, even if your mind isn’t always… Yep your heart is that pumpy thing in your chest… And this week you have been a little bit distracted, see Rose’s post… http://butimbeautiful.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/the-karmic-challenge-week-21-does-the-universe-care-if-you-pick-your-nose/ and you’ll see what I mean…

So how about… = 5 points?

You don’t really need many anyway; you are so close to being reincarnated as perhaps a sleepy Wombat… Almost nirvana!!!


A Very sleepy Wombat…

Ta Da… and Week 22’s points tally is…

   

Rose

The Capt.
Week No. Week Ending Rose’s Weekly Tally Rose’s Running Total Capt’s Weekly Tally Capt’s Running Total
15

4/07/2012

200

406

50

205
16

11/07/2012

10

416

15

220
17

18/07/2012

10

426

20

240
18

25/07/2012

5

431

25

265
19

1/08/2012

5

436

20

285
20

8/08/2012

10

446

25

310
21

15/08/2012

15

461

30

340
22

22/08/2012

5

466

15

355

Capt. Savage

(Soon to be reincarnated as a small furry gerbil, so cute)


I’d be such a cute Gerbil…