Back in the Saddle Again

Who does American country and western better than the Japanese?

It has been ages since I have been out on the town looking to chat up women. Not that I haven’t wanted to, it’s just that in the past I’ve always hunted in packs, i.e. with other mates. Since my divorce I’ve relied on the tried and tested, introduced by a friend method and the other obvious alternative, the internet. Both haven’t been that successful, not that I haven’t been out on quite a few dates or haven’t ended up meeting someone who I ended up having a fling with. But that was the extent of it, taking women out for dates, trying to think of things to say over a glass of wine or dinner, or fitting in conversation at the movies.

I personally hate internet dating, it is so impersonal to be rejected before you even get to meet up. Or to go and have coffee or a glass of wine, just to see if we hit it off. In a way I long for the good old pre-internet night on the town with friends, talking to people but having others around with you (for support). I’ve never been comfortable just going out by myself on the prowl, but what alternative do I have with the majority of my friends all married or still bitter and twisted after their divorces, regardless none of them want to go out looking for women.

Now my best friend (who’s a girl by the way) thought of a different approach to ‘get back in the saddle’ so to speak. She thought it would be a great idea if we went out together and both tried to pick-up people with the express aim of collecting rejections. This was initially discussed as a kind of anti-internet dating experiment, and I’m pretty good at getting told where to go by women, so maybe this could work.

Yep I’ve had a few rejections in my time

So I agreed to this challenge and thought, why not? But I really hadn’t thought this through, or even started to understand how I’d cope with this, but more of that later. But my friend was very persuasive, and it sounded a great idea to have her there to fall back on after I’d received a slap in the face or been told where to go. I even sounded kind of sounded fun, to go out with the specific idea of seeking out rejections, rather than worrying about whether the women involved would say yes or no, just do it regardless.

The evening started off fine, I got dressed in what we had decided was my best woman hunting gear, see the picture below.

Would you go out with this man? Looks like an axe murder I think…

My friend was going to come and pick me up and we were going to have dinner first at a little Thai restaurant not far from our intended hunting site, which was to be the night club at the local Casino. Things went as planned, well maybe as expected. She was late (as usual), but not that it really mattered, as a leopard can’t really change her spots (oh I’m going to cop it for that one).

The restaurant was fine, if a bit noisy (or maybe I’m just going deaf). We sat and discussed tactics for the night, and the general things we normally chat about. This felt very reassuring, to be with a close friend, relaxing over dinner, I almost felt keen to get going.

But then the first hiccup, the nightclub at our chosen venue wasn’t open on Friday nights (so much for our extensive research). So a bit of hurried discussion and we decided to head for an Irish pub not far from the Casino called King O’Malley’s, which always has a band on Friday nights.

A Typical Friday night at King O’Malley’s

So we arrived, me in my fake leather jacket and the coolest looks I could muster, and my friend who was ready for a night on the prowl. Shock horror as I walked into the place all of my bravado and confidence evaporated like sweat on the brow of a condemned man. While my friend started off the game like a polished professional I found that I just couldn’t get started.

I realised that I hadn’t thought this through, that I was totally out of my comfort zone, didn’t even know where to start really. You see I’ve never gone out with the express purpose of getting rejected. I always sit there pondering which women is the least likely to reject me and end up asking them up for a dance or if they want a drink. This concept of asking anyone was just not my normal way, not even remotely. Secondly, I am just a little bit older than when I last went out chasing women, well nearly 20 years older, but who’s counting. Things have changed just a little since the 80′s and 90′s, just a little.

Strangely however the music hadn’t, the cover band on the night was playing music that could have come from my own CD collection (or even my records god forbid). Not that that was a bad thing, it wasn’t bad music and most people were on the dance floor having a good time.

Soon my friend and I were dancing and she was getting a bit pushy, trying to get me to keep up my end of the rejection equation. Soon it was 2 to nothing her way, not that my friend was getting rejected every time, she was actually 1-1, although the guy who said yes was definitely doing a bit of cougar chasing. But that’s understandable as my friend is a pretty good-looking women, so it was no surprise to me that she had leapt into the lead.

My usual targets… Although maybe not this creative with their clothing options…

So did I eventually get off my fat butt and go and ask someone to dance? Yes I did, and strangely enough she actually said yes, and it felt kind of good too.

Did I get rejected? Well Der, obviously, but not by the expected targets, by the women who in my past I would have seen as the easy marks. The one who said yes to a dance wasn’t too bad-looking at all, in my past life she would have been the one I wouldn’t have asked (for fear of rejection).

So did I have a good time? Yes I did in the end, once Rose had cajoled, prodded, pushed, and embarrassed me into doing something.

And will I be doing this experiment again? Yes can’t wait, bring it on, although I’m not sure how I’m going to get home if my partner in crime is as successful as she was, I think I could end up getting a taxi alone… But what the hell, I am sure I will have had a good time regardless.

What was the eventual score? Rose 3 -1 (that I know about) and me 3-2, that’s 3 attempts to 2 rejections.

Capt. Savage

(Thanks Rose for sticking with me!!! And saying I’m good-looking! I need to borrow your rose-coloured glasses)

This would have been me dancing at King O’Malley’s, if I’d remembered to get someone to take a picture…

 

 

Another week of Karma Gathering

(The Dalai Lama, even he has his moments)

Gathering Karma, who thought it would be so tiring or hard!!! But Rose and I set out on this journey, and I am not a quitter, although this week was a bit of a struggle, Karma gathering wise.

Rose however has had a wonderful week full of full of stellar achievements. Maybe the benefits of her Karma efforts have come to fruition early. Well deserved I say!!! But for me the struggle continues, well not that much of a struggle, but I was trying for dramatic…

Ok, now I admit it, I have been a bit of a naughty self-indulgent boy of late, especially this week while on base. It’s hard to be too Karma-ish, when every night you are having dinner served to you at the officer’s club. 3 meals a day for 7 days makes it easy for see why so many older Army officers are having their own battles of the bulge.

Plus I went crazy, bought myself new clothes, a washing machine, a new mobile phone and finally an iPad, which I am typing on right now. Bit hedonistic I know, but what the heck, and my daughter is just going to love it… She has been pestering me to get one of the apple things, and I just can’t say no to her… Which is fine now when she’s 8, but maybe I should start learning to say no soon, just maybe (but us part-time dads really struggle with this concept).

So what did I do all week, if I wasn’t Karma gathering? Well marching around the base, following orders, listening to lectures, taking tests, yep I was at a week long Army training school. Fun you may think, but the Army has researched all of the alternatives and refined the art of total boredom. But I was with a great bunch of people, well mostly, but maybe that’s a story for another post.

So how did I go in the Karma gathering stakes while stuck behind the walls of the Army barracks, well I was kind of nice to the staff at the mess, was very polite to the senior officers (but that’s kind of expected). I was generous with the guys when we went out for dinner on Friday night and took them to a great Italian restaurant a friend had recommended. Plus caught Men in Black III, which was an act of Karmic Excellence, as I totally resisted the urge to criticise the ancient and decrepit Tommy Lee Jones or the silly 3D stuff. apparently I should have seen Borat’s latest creation ‘the dictator’, which is apparently hilarious, although considering I’ve seen the original Borat movie I am struggling to see how this could be so.

So actually I don’t think I deserve any points this week, but next week I am back in the game and Rose and I will also soon be commencing our great dating game of death, or is that taking a spin on the great rejection game. I’m really looking forward to going somewhere, trying to chat up ladies, getting slapped and well laughing about it. For once I’ll be out doing what us guys do best, without performance pressure… Can’t wait…

Plus for once a post without many pictures… Why you may ask? Well obviously I haven’t figured out how the hell to do that yet with this iPad thingy, but have no fear!!! Soon my posts will be flooded with badly chosen and totally irrelevant stock photos.

And ok, by the weekend I will update the Karma stats Rose, promise…

Capt. Savage
(No Karma to been seen here, but there is always next week)

Going to Alaska

Reblogged from iamnotshe:

Mel and D’s Big Adventure

Intermittent Hotspots on the High Seas …

Limited Laptop Access … 

And

Roaming Charges: HELP ME! 

But

Don’t envy me, until you see this …

http://www.davidsfotos.com/ALASKA

GORGEOUS!!

Jen, beauty is in the eye of the beholder wouldn’t you say? And what would you say The Beholder was “on” when he/she beheld this beautiful, majestic and totally psychedelic panorama?

Read more… 133 more words

Well another week and I have missed posting my week in Karma, so thanks Rose for this. Somehow I have always been busy doing something else. When I get back home I'll post something, currently I am in Melbourne on Army duties, but loved the post Rose :-)

The Karma Challenge - Week 9

Reblogged from butimbeautiful:

• 
• 

The aspiration

Do anything. Just don’t LOSE any more points!

The reality

Why aren’t there any mad Dog Women? I mean, what have mad Cat Women got that mad Dog Women haven’t!

It’s alright though, SUPER Mad Dog Woman is here!  I’ve just applied to foster a dog and if they let me, that’ll mean there are FOUR stinky farting puppies living in my house.

Read more… 515 more words

Well another week and I have missed posting my week in Karma, so thanks Rose for this. Somehow I have always been busy doing something else. When I get back home I'll post something, currently I am in Melbourne on Army duties, but loved the post Rose :-)

Top 10: Things You Should Never Say To a Woman

(Not exactly on topic, but funny as hell anyway)

I have been doing some research in preparation for the Great Dating Challenge!!!

The WHAT? I hear you saying… well Rose from butimbeautiful (my best mate) and I, are about to hit the bars, clubs and other venues around where we live in search of the Worst Rejection Lines of All Time. Well actually Rose has generously offered to lead me, kicking and screaming, out in search of dates. And purely for altruist reasons (to show her support for the cause) she is also going to be putting herself out there in search of males…

All this research also revealed another Top 10 article ‘Things you should never say to a woman’ which I will post shortly and be using with during Rose and my little dating social experiment. It contains 10 hints of what blokes should say to girls to prevent themselves from seeming too keen or interested. And yes I’ll admit that I’ve sometimes fallen into bad habits and used a few of them, with generally bad effects not good.

Here is the link to the article, http://au.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-woman.html

But I am warning you, unfortunately it’s one of those advertising ridden, you must read each point, one page at a time, articles which personally drive me nuts… So below I’ve republished it, with a Capt. Savage flavour, minus all the advertising, links to online Casinos, X-rated video sites etc.

Now I’m guilty of using a number of these lines on women in the past, and until I read them all in this article I didn’t really appreciate how crappy they were, or sound. The main theme of this Top 10 is around not sounding ‘insecure’ or ‘indecisive’, women appreciate certainty, even if they are the ones providing it.

And let me know if you think avoiding these will improve my chances in the ‘Great Dating Challenge’ that Rose and I am about to embark on… And feel free to add any other tips and hints from your collective ‘Top 10′s’ bad lines from the past… I’d love to hear them J

So drumroll please… here are the 10 things you should NEVER say to a woman.

No. 10 – Anything Bad about Her Male Friends

Whew, I have religiously avoided this one, or tried to… Sometimes my friends seem compelled say this about some of my dates as well! They may have been right, but nobody likes to be told our friends (or other potential or ex-boyfriends) are crappy.

So I agree, one of the ways a woman marks you as “insecure” the fastest is if you starts making smart comments about her male friends, especially if you haven’t met them and don’t know her very well. So even if they are more than friends, you are only making yourself look like you are scared of competition from them, which to a woman screams “insecurity.” Best to just keep your mouth shut when they are mentioned and focus on your game instead.

No. 9 – ‘I’ll Call You Friday’

Ending a phone conversation with a “next step” is a good technique if you’re trying to sell someone something, but not when you are talking to a woman. First of all, you are killing any spontaneity by being predictable. Second, you are also killing any chances of her calling you, as she has to now wait for your call or risk looking desperate. Not good.

SO Okay, yes guilty as charged on this one… for some reason I feel compelled to try and pre-empt the next contact, and yes I agree it’s DUMB and makes me look DESPERATE.

No. 8 – Anything That Hints At a ‘Future’

Often when blokes are hanging out with a woman for the first time and she mentions something she likes or likes to do, you’ll be tempted to use that as an opportunity to hint at a future date. For example, she might say she loves Thai food, so you say, “Wow, so do I. We should go get Thai food sometime.”

Stop, stop, stop, stop! While this sounds good in theory, you must remember that women not only want but need a guy who is somewhat of a “challenge.” If partway through the first date you are talking about hanging out again and again and again, she knows that you are really into her, which means the game is over and she has won.

Sure, it’s nice to connect with someone when you first hang out with them, and of course you should want to do some fun activities together, but don’t let her know that she has “won you over” too quickly or you’ll come off just like every other guy she’s gone out with that is ready to “put a ring on it” after date No. 1.

Yep, been there and done this one. I can’t help myself sometimes and feel like I have to sound like I’m keen, and I can see that it’s just making me appear TOO EASY…

No. 7 – ‘How Many Guys Have You Slept With?’

Oh god, I’ve done this one…

Why I asked this question I will never understand, and it’s the one question I also hate to be asked, because first of all, do I really want to know? Remember to her it could sound like you’re suggesting she’s a bit of a tart. Secondly, again it’s only showing insecurity (again), especially if asked when you start dating someone. Sure, if she asks you first, go ahead. But trust me, I know from experience you don’t want to be the one to start this conversation. You can only lose.

(Look, you really don’t want to start off things by suggesting she’s a TART)

No. 6 – ‘I Left You A Message the Other Day, but Didn’t Hear Back. What Happened?’

Maybe I’ve done this and I can see that it wasn’t the smartest move…

According to a number of the comments I’ve read this might be the most common mistake we (guys) make after not hearing back from a woman, and while it sounds trivial, it is a big one. It took me a long time to figure out what to do when a woman didn’t return one of my messages, but I finally figured out it’s best to just ignore it and proceed as if it never happened. If you mention an un-returned message to a woman you are doing two things:

1. Showing that you care that she didn’t return it. (Hint: If you just met a woman it is too soon to care!); and
2. Giving her a guilt trip, which women see as insecurity.

(No you REALLY don’t want to sound DEPARATE do you?)

No. 5 – ‘Do You Like Me?’

If I had to pick out a single phrase that shuts a woman’s attraction switch off permanently, this is it. Asking a woman a question like this is the opposite of being confident. So don’t ask, just assume she likes you, and go from there. I mean, hey, who wouldn’t?

Alright already, yep I may have done this… And I can see that it’s way better not to ask but just to enjoy her company, or assume she does. If she doesn’t and she cares about you, she’ll let you know what she thinks. If she doesn’t care (or like you) you are probably better off without her.

No. 4 – ‘What Do YOU Want To Do Tonight?’

There is a saying that a woman likes a “man with a plan”, and it is absolutely true. When you call a woman to hang out, make sure you have a game plan. Don’t put the burden on her or she won’t see you as the type of guy who can show her a good time.

Isn’t this one human nature? But yep, I can see that in the beginning it’s better to be ‘the man’ and then later if things work out, maybe then you can start asking. But from my experience it’s better to offer alternatives, i.e. ‘how about we go to that Italian place round 7 pm’ than leave it up to her, she can always say no or given another option.

(Women REALLY don’t like wimps, be decisive…)

No. 3 – Anything About Your Car, Job or House That Sounds Like You Are Trying To Impress Her

Do you know what kind of guys brag about their cars, jobs and houses to women? Well, the truth is a lot of different kinds of guys, but women put them all in one category: guys who have nothing else to offer. I’m serious, ask any attractive woman about this and she’ll agree. Sure, you may attract some women, but even those women will be far more impressed by your material possessions if you don’t mention them in conversation.

Another strike out here, you see from my perspective, many of us blokes get our kicks out of our jobs or positions, our house, our cars. But I can see it’s probably better to let THEM appreciate them rather than bragging endlessly about them. After all they may actually not be that impressive to the lady involved anyway. And there is also the slim chance they may want to be with you because of who you are, not what you own or do (just saying).

(Ok, maybe this works for him, but it’s not going to work for you, believe me)

No. 2 ‘Can I Take You Out ON A Date Sometime?’

Similar to No. 1, a woman wants to be with a man who is a leader and in control, not someone who asks her permission to hit on her. Don’t ever ask a woman if you can take her out, just ask her out. But do it in a confident way. It can be as simple as saying, “We should hang out. What’s your number?” Or even telling her a specific place you want to take her: “Hey, let’s take a salsa lesson together, it will be fun!’

Yeah, maybe I’ve tried this one, just maybe… So I can see it now, you don’t walk up to the delicatessen and ask can I have some salami and cheese… You ask for the salami and cheese…

(Nope, this isn’t going work is it?)

No. 1 – ‘Can I Kiss You?’

Ask any woman and she will tell you; a man should never “ask” for a kiss. Asking for a kiss goes against everything a woman is looking for in a man. You may as well just tell her right there that you are a boy. Her answer might be “yes” if she’s being polite, but her attraction meter on the inside will read a firm, “no!”

No comments here from me, this makes total sense, so I should just judge me moment and go for the kiss, I’ve already started my research on this one, compiled over a number of years of failed attempts. And perhaps I shouldn’t lead with my tongue already out as I’ve seen some blokes do…

(This picture is irrelevant really, but it’s also wrong on so many levels…)

So Ok, what do you think? Will this Top 10 help reduce my rejection count during Rose and my little Dating Challenge?

Capt. Savage

(Who will be revising this list during the Great Dating Challenge)

No, your bum looks fine in that. Really!!!

Is Honesty really the Best Policy???

I generally don’t read newspapers, well more accurately I don’t pay for newspapers, but I do read them occasionally. Yesterday I had to drive to Sydney to attend an Army course and left pretty early in the morning, too early to be bothered to make my own breakfast anyway.

So I did something I generally only do when I have my kids, I called in for brekkie at McDonalds. Now I’m not a big fan of the plastic Mac-meal, but when I am starving, desperate and well there is one available, well you get the idea.

This morning the McDonalds I called into, which was somewhere on the Hume Highway towards Sydney, was giving away the ‘Daily Telegraph’, which is Sydney’s lower class paper (Sydney Morning Herald is for the more cultured readers). While I was munching on my McMuffin I flipped the pages and came across this little gem of an article, which kind of ties into a little social dating experiment that my bestie Rose and I are about to embark on… But more of that later, the article was about whether telling white lies is actually good for a relationship, you can read it in full at http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/sydney-news/no-your-bum-looks-fine-in-that-how-white-lies-can-save-a-relationship/story-e6freuzi-1226360655826.

This is the opening of the article, and the thought bubble that tweaked my interest, well just a bit more than the rest of the crap in the paper yesterday.

“BELIEVE us – it’s not stretching the truth to say Australians know how to lie.

But telling a few porkies here and there might actually do us good – in relationships, in jobs and in life generally.

In a Daily Telegraph survey of more than 400 readers, in excess of 70 per cent of us consider lying a common activity and almost nine out of 10 people believe it’s sometimes kinder to lie.

Don’t agree?

Seven words might change that opinion. Does. My. Bum. Look. Big. In. This.”

Here is a Bum for you, but maybe just maybe the photo has been tampered with!!!

The premise is obvious, it’s less hurtful to someone to NOT say what you’re really thinking… Such as “God your Arse looks Huge in that!!!”

But all week I’ve been banging on about being honest… Especially in relation to dating and dating sites, and mostly in response to a post that Rose’s put up a few days ago that really tweaked my honesty bones, see http://livinginfairyland.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/how-do-you-reject-a-man-nicely/

So my initial response to Rose’s request to us Men to come forward with lines that we wouldn’t mind getting when rejected was mostly all Moral Indignation and No you Must be Honest…

But on reflection I started to think about what I actually would like to be told when being given the cold shoulder, and realised that, maybe just maybe, a little lying in the regards of matters of the heart may NOT be Too Bad.

(This is what we often do when we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, piles of steaming platitudes come out like diarrhoea)

I thought about how honest I had been during my previous relationships, and realised that often I wasn’t honest even with myself. Almost all of my past girlfriends/lovers have had some defect or another that pissed me off to some extent. Now if I was to be totally honest, I probably would have told them what I thought of their irritating little faults, i.e. leaving the cap off the toothpaste, sleeping on MY side of the bed, having too big an arse (yes one of my ex’s had a huge butt).

But then I thought, ‘Why hadn’t I told them what I really thought’…

The reason is simple, and I’m sure you have already guessed, it’s because I actually valued them more than their faults. So if I still care about someone, at least more than what I don’t like about them, why be rude to them? Basically I’d describe myself as a gentle soul, and I’d much rather get along with people then upset them. That’s not to say that I just sit there and put up with things, no, if something really pisses me off I will say something… But not in the form of a personal attack, to me that’s just straight bullying.

From my experience some people use insults and put downs as a weapon, ‘can’t you shut up bitch’ or ‘that dress makes you look like a fat pig’ instead of trying a more gentle approach.

(Interesting, combining shouting with nose rubbing, maybe it’s an Eskimo couple?)

So Rose I think I’m going to slightly moderate my opinion on honesty with dating rejections, in that I still think you need to be honest with your dates, partners, girlfriends, lovers, etc. but maybe that honesty needs to be wrapped in an understanding of human nature.

I don’t believe any of us, except those particularly hardened individuals, like to be told what is truly wrong with us. And I think none of use like getting rejected in a brutal bullying and nasty way. I think you can deliver a message without the need to make it rotten and hurtful, even a breakup or ‘no you aren’t really my type’.

So do I still think honest is the best policy?

Well yes I still think honesty is best,  you should have picked up my thread of reasoning by now. But honesty wrapped in humanity and compassion. Just because I am not ‘your type’ doesn’t mean I’m not some else’s type and vice-versa if I am the one doing the rejecting. Also, just because you don’t want to go out with me or sleep with me (the aim of a lot of my mates of old ), doesn’t mean that we can’t go out as friends or stay in touch…

Far too often we blokes discard females just because we don’t get in their pants. I’ve heard this line of reasoning over and over when talking to my Male mates. The usual line discussed is the 3 date rule, and if you don’t ‘score’ by the third date, drop them like a hot potato. So I think maybe some of us should think longer term, we shouldn’t just discard people and say what we think without considering the impact or hurt we may cause to them, just because they aren’t our ‘type’.

Of course I now turned to Google found, ‘surprise surprise’, a mountain of helpful links… Which I will myself be reading in-depth very soon…

Not 1 but 3 articles on how to say no to a girl without hurting her feelings

http://www.ehow.com/how_5679008_say-girl-hurting-her-feelings.html

http://boysguidebooks.blogspot.com.au/2011/11/how-to-say-no-to-girl-boys-guide-to.html#.T7hcPsWhGIi

http://currentindiaaffairs.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/how-to-say-no-to-a-girl-diplomatically/

All this research also revealed another Top 10 article ‘Things you should never say to a woman’ which I will post shortly and be using with during Rose and my little dating social experiment.It contains 10 hints of what blokes should say to girls to prevent themselves from seeming too keen or interested. And yes I’ll admit that I’ve sometimes fallen into bad habits and used a few of them, with generally bad effects not good.

The link is below, but I am warning you, unfortunately it’s one of those advertising ridden, you must read each point one page at a time, articles which personally drive me nuts… So I’ll republish it, with a Capt. Savage flavour, later today sometime…

http://au.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-woman.html

So what is the dating experiment that Rose and I am about to jump into?

Rose is going to jump back into dating and so am I, we’ve agreed to go out together to bars etc. But we will be Together, but not together, if you catch my drift. We will be cruising places to hook-up with people for dates (for each other), and well whatever else happens, and along the way collecting our best and worst rejections. We will be sharing our experiences, aka our ongoing Karmic Challenge posts, so you all can see how we get on.

Both of us hate the internet dating rejection process that often involves nothing more than people rejecting you using automatically generate, if polite rejections… Getting dumped after receiving an electronic kiss, without even meeting, seems kind of sterile and impersonal to me! My attitude is that I’m more likely to accept the first advance, roll the dice, meet up and see if they are someone I’d like to see. As always with me the real is so much better than the virtual.

I’ll also be sharing some of my best and worst pickup lines just to spice it up… Not sure if Rose wants to join me with this little add-on to the experiment.

So what do you think, do you prefer ‘guilt-edged’ honesty when getting rejected, or just give it to you like it is?

I’ll also be observing Rose’s attitude as I think she is a little bit more hardened than I am in the ways of dating etc. You can see that from her insightful blog exposé, see http://livinginfairyland.wordpress.com/2012/05/07/the-get-stuffed-school-of-romance/ She definitely has a ‘treat them mean’ attitude, which maybe I can learn a thing or two from…

(I think Rose may have read this book)

Capt. Savage

(The gentlemen’s gentleman, except when he has a gun in his hand)

The Karma Challenge – Week 8 (Disaster Strikes!)

The Karma Challenge – Week 8 (Disaster Strikes!).

In every challenge, there is a moment when the challenger takes on too much and comes crashing down on her karmic arse.

If I get run over now I’ll probably be reincarnated as a lonely witchetty-grub in a camp-ful of hungry indigenous people who’ve signed up for a traditional cuisine challenge with Bear Grylls.

So – last week I promised myself I’d go a whole week without saying anything nasty. For the non-Buddhists among you, Right Speech is the third tenet of Buddha’s Noble Eightfold Path. As the Buddha saith:

Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.

Trailertrash Deluxe, of whom I’ve spoken before, isn’t a fan of Right Speech, and I kinda get where he’s coming from (I think). I’m not that into BEING nasty but I really love being free to TALK nasty (just a little, sometimes) – plus that kind of talk’s a lot less boring than the nice kind (again, just a little, sometimes?).

Anyway, I tried. The results were..just nasty….

See the link above for the rest of Rose’s excellent and hilarious post, it’s pretty bloody funny as usual!!!

This week was a bit busy for me, as it was my birthday (also mother’s day on the same day).

Another week of Karma gathering, but I think it was a race to the bottom for Rose and I… Although I did do some good deeds… Rose was wonderful to me this week BTW… She made dinner for me, took me to the opera (Carmen) and then we had desert (and by that I mean fruit with cream and chocolate)… She’s me best friend… And I really appreciated being spoilt like that.

Now I am going to be a bit naughty and do my week 8 post tomorrow night, but in the meantime here is another sublime contribution from my best friend, the beautiful, the talented, the author, and the soon to be male stalking, Rose …

CS

(A lovely likeness of the Beautiful Rose)

Well, how about it ladies!!! I’m game if you are…

Well my friend Rose put up a challenge to us men in a recent blog, and I thought what the heck, I’ll give it a roll!!! You can read more about it in her blog at https://livinginfairyland.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/how-do-you-reject-a-man-nicely/

So here are my thoughts… And this was not my original blog post, which was well… kind of Savage, and it’s still smouldering in the corner as I type!

So instead how about I tell you a ‘once upon a time’ story…

I may have been at a pub, and I wound up at a table where three gorgeous girls were sitting around complaining about, and don’t be shocked! – Blokes. In particular they were complaining about pickup lines that had been used on them in at a pub (a bar for US people) a few nights before.

One woman said: ”This guy comes up to me and says, ‘haven’t I seen you someplace before?’ how lame is that?”

All three women looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

Another one of them said: ”This bloke says to me, ‘your place or mine!’ he just had to be kidding.”

(This could have been them, but it’s not, cause I never have a camera when I need one)

Now I’m sitting at the end of the table quietly sucking on my beer, watching them laugh about guys trying to chat them up, and just wondering if they had even noticed I was breathing. I was feeling bad for the guys and a little bit intimidated too, as I’d been thinking of trying my own classic ‘can I buy you a drink’ line on at least one of them.

Now I realise that there are certain hardships that only females have to put up with, like childbirth, waiting in lines to go to the toilet, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with buying shoes and makeup. Also, females tend to grow up quicker, so that by age 7 they are no longer able to appreciate the simple pleasures of farting loudly in public, whereas we (males) can continue to derive huge pleasure well into our 80s.

(It’s tough being a women… Here’s one tormented individual)

So I can see maybe it’s not easy being female.

But I reckon nature has given us males the heaviest burden of all: the burden of always having to… Make the First Move, and risk getting Shot Down in Flames. I don’t know WHY males get stuck with this burden, but it’s true with almost all animals (wait until I’m finished girls). If you watch the documentaries, you’ll see that birds, crabs, spiders, clams – well it is ALWAYS the male who has to take the initiative. It’s always the male bird who does the courting dance, making a total moron of himself (I can soooo identify with this), while the female bird just stands there, looking all aloof sticking her chest out, thinking about what she’s going to tell her girlfriends. (”And then he flapped his wings a bit! Like I’m supposed to be impressed by THAT!”).

Male insects have it the worst. Let’s consider the sorry case of the male mantis: ”After the mating, the female mantis bites off the male mantis’ head, and then she and eats it.”

(How cruel is that!!! Thank god women haven’t cottoned onto this nasty little after sex habit)

I live in Australia, my balcony is basically a giant singles bar for all sorts of insects and things. On any given day, I’ll see some poor male thing out there making their most suave moves, trying to crack on to whatever they are chasing. They seem to think that females really go for that sort of stuff, but I have never once, in 4 years of watching, have I seen a female respond (but I have to admit most of the time I don’t know which is which however). But the animals who are being persuaded, often sit there looking bored, while all around them males are mucking around an going on and off like defective warning lights.

(Male birds trying their best, but as usual, the females are playing hard to get)

Every now and then you’ll see some weird TV news story about some animal that has for some reason has fallen in love with, and decided to relentlessly to try and mate with, something totally inappropriate, such as a tractor or even the farmer. This animal is ALWAYS a male. Watch this YouTube clip and you’ll get the idea…

(Yep us males, even the animals, just can’t help ourselves)

My point here is that, in matters of the heart, we males have the brains of a walnut. No, wait! That is not my point. My point is that perhaps you women could cut us blokes a little bit of slack in the move-making process, because we are under a lot of stress (and I know this cause I’m a guy and I’ve been there done that). I vividly remember when I was in primary school, and I wanted to talk to a girl, let’s call her Jane and ask her to sit with me, and before I walked across the playground, I spent maybe 28 hours rehearsing exactly what I was going to say. So when I actually made the move across to her, well I was pretty smooth (yeah right).

(This was the plan…)

‘Hello…?’ I said. ‘Can I sit next to you?’

She looked at me as if I was some kind of horrible toad or something, and told me to go away. I was totally crushed. I would have dropped out of school and lied about my age and joined the Army, if they would have had me (BTW I am now an Army Officer, see, girls I was totally crushed).

(Here’s a typical crushed school boy)

That is the awesome power that you women have over us men. I hope you understand this, and the next time a guy walks up and uses some incredibly lame, boneheaded line on you, I hope that, instead of laughing at him, you will remember that he (and I am too) under extremely intense pressure, and wanting to impress you enough so that you might want to get to know him better and maybe eventually, perhaps within the next 15 minutes, let him jump on you and have wild sex (if only). Making it easier for us blokes will enable the survival of the human race, which believe me is the only thing that we males are truly concerned about (honestly, we don’t get ANY pleasure or satisfaction out of sex, WHAT SO EVER).

(That’s us men for you, always being gentlemen, never in it just for the sex… NO WAY)

In conclusion, let me just say to all females everywhere, on behalf of all males everywhere, that you are very beautiful and your eyes are like two shining stars, unless you’re a female fly, in which case your eyes are more like 2,038 shining stars. So please give us a chance.

And if you’re not interested, could I show you my etching later?

CS
(A gentleman to the very end, well until he gets his end in)

(Ok, maybe just maybe this blog is the biggest piece of crap I have ever written… and this is what us blokes really want from women, so why not girls, I know you’d love it really)

The Karma Challenge - Week 7

Reblogged from butimbeautiful:

A Day in the Life Of…

It’s Karma Day! Are YOU feeling karmic, Rose?

I don’t know. What if I don’t pick up another job. They’re sacking people right left and centre here, mostly left though.  At least I’ve got my novel.  If I can finish it.  3000 words a day.  But it’s boring.  Even I’m bored.  Let’s look at my emails. 

Read more… 566 more words, 1 more video

Just in case you missed the link to Rose's week 7 post :)

Karmic Challenge Week 7

(Buddha has been around for a long time)

 In the Upajjhatthana Sutta (AN 5.57), the Buddha states:

“I am the owner of my karma.

I inherit my karma.

I am born of my karma.

I am related to my karma.

I live supported by my karma.

Whatever karma I create,

whether good or evil,

that I shall inherit”

So, another week of Karma gathering has gone by, and I’ve learned a bit as well… For ages I thought that Karma was a Buddhist only thing, well turns out I was wrong… As apparently it pre-dates it, this extract is from my extensive Google-ing, i.e. Wikipedia, “A concept of karma (along with samsara and moksha) may originate in the shramana tradition of which Buddhism and Jainism are continuations.” Refer: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma/

Now why am I bothered with this, well I’m hoping to earn merit by my scholarly pursuits, because I certainly didn’t earn it from good deeds this week?

Well maybe I got a little Karmic some of the time, I spoke to my daughter and who enjoyed getting my letter, photos etc. this week, But I think that I already feel good enough about that, so maybe = Zero Karma points (but lots of warm fuzzies…), no my daughter did love the extra effort = 10 points

(My little cutie doing what all daughters should do, riding a cow…)

Plus, I went and had dinner with a really dear friend’s mum, which was great as she is the lovely est lady and pretty unreal for someone who’s over 90. I love my own mum to death, and I’m going off for the day to visit her this coming weekend, but she isn’t travelling nearly as well. But again, I enjoyed the experience and the meal, so maybe the merit has already been earned again, so = Zero points

This week I went for my first guitar lesson and had to wait until the student before me finished, which was interesting as this person was a lot further on than me. I at this moment am able to pick up the guitar, strum it (badly) and I’ve now learnt one key E Minor, which is a start I suppose.

Anyway, where was I, yeah, sitting on the lounge waiting, when up jumps this cute little terrier, presents his tummy and expects instant scratching. Now I’m familiar with this routine as my friend Rose’s puppies are also the occasional beneficiary of my tummy scratching expertise.

So Again, I had a good time, even after I’d stopped scratching the puppy and started scratching the guitar (at least I’m not learning the violin like my daughter).

So once again = Zero points + 10 points for the puppy loving = 10 points

(He was such a cutie)

On the score of my musical talents (or lack of them), so far I have tried to learn the piano, violin, sang in a choir (apparently my rhythm was good), played (very badly) the bag pipes and now the guitar… Maybe I should be handing out merit points to those who are game enough to put up with my musical tormenting (something akin to waterboarding).

So maybe I get points for NOT returning to the bagpipes? Or maybe not…

(That’s it; bagpipes are so easy to play)

And this could have been if I actually had talent or maybe was game enough to get this many tattoos…

And Yes Rose, I managed not to be rude to anyone this week (only just), but look out world my filter is off and I’m ready to rumble… But maybe I deserve 5 points for that = 5 points

On the score of the Great Karmic Challenge, here is Rose’s contribution…

http://butimbeautiful.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/the-karma-challenge-week-7/

Seems that neither of us had a really good week of Karma gathering, but I kind of agree with her, namely…

“Oh who cares about points really….”

Well you know Rose, I do care!!!

And for your heroic efforts in locating you errant puppy Coolac,

I think that definitely deserves some points = 10 points

(Here is Coolac dripping wet from a swim in the dam near Rose’s place, Gucci is the cute furry thing…)

Plus for making your mum cliché, well at least 5 points I think (maybe extra seeing as you, her and your relatives appear to have lived thru the experience) = 5 + (5 for everyone surviving) = 10 points

So I think we are even for this week, or maybe Status Quo even…

		Rose		The Capt.
Week No.	Week Ending	Rose’s Weekly Tally	Rose’s Running Total	Capt’s Weekly Tally	Capt’s Running Total
0	21/03/2012	0	0	-7	-7
1	28/03/2012	12	12	13	6
2	4/04/2012	15	27	18	24
3	11/04/2012	10	37	11	35
4	18/04/2012	10	47	11	46
5	25/04/2012	4	51	-3	43
6	2/05/2012	15	66	12	55
7	9/05/2012	20	86	25	80

 (Don’t worry, and I know you won’t be, but you are still the Karmic Champion)

So what’s in store for this coming week…

Rose is going to do more charity work by befriending an old person, I have to hand it to her, she’s an inspiration really…

And me?

Well, next week I am sponsoring a child through World Vision

And I’m buying a t-shirt, but not one as noble as Rose’s perhaps…

Hope everyone has a great week!!!

J

Capt. Savage

(Yep that’s me… a full on Narcissist)