Bring on the Waterboarding!!! Week 19 in Karmaland (& my 95 post)

When can the use of waterboarding ever be justified?

Well it’s week 19 in Karmaland, and the tale of Karmic excellence continues between a wicked temptress (aka Rose) and a frustrated accountant (aka the Capt.).

So why the waterboarding picture Capt.?

Well if it was an alternative to horrendous torture of a corporate planning day, well I’d give it serious consideration!!!

Today as you may have guessed, involved me and the majority of the staff in my office being dragged kicking and screaming, to an offsite team building, corporate planning, love-in. As usual we had a pep talk from our senior manager and there was a ‘facilitator’ there to assist us (the chief torturer).

Motivational sessions to me are like a day spent gorging of sugar, you get a temporary feeling of sweetness and smile a lot, but at the end of the day all you get is a little bit fatter from all the food, none of the management talk, the ‘sugar’ makes any real difference.

Yep, listening to ‘motivational’ speakers is like drowning in sugar…

What I hate the most is that you practically drown in the insincerity and that you have to be nice to people that you spend most of your day trying to avoid. Then the ‘facilitator’ decides that we’ll all swap seats to ‘mingle’ and you then end up sitting right next to the very same person you just walked to the other side of the room to get away from. You know the guy who only wants to talk about his projects, his issues, his ego…

By about lunchtime I was hoping that my own stomach would force itself up my throat and strangle me, to save me from this torture session.

You also start to wonder that instead of trying to ‘motivate’ those of us who are ‘demotivated’, why don’t we just FIRE the ones who are instead, and only pay those of us with a brain…

I had more fun doing the research for this little blog post than I had all day, and I bet the ‘motivational facilitator’ earned more for that one day than I do for the whole week…

So now that the day is over I have to endure the inevitable post-mortem, the discussion to identify the ‘outcomes’, the ‘deliverables’, and then develop the new ‘plan’. You know the plans that managers make, that they sit up on the wall behind glass, next to the sign that says ‘in case of emergency or upper management inspection, break the glass’. Because to the best of my knowledge the majority of these plans end up sitting in some corner gathering dust. Maybe people who think of these plans should be treated like zombies and shot on sight…

This should read ‘in case of management zombies’

Makes me cry when I think of how much sincere insincerity I had to muster to be seen as a useful contributor to the day. I should have taken the same option as half of the invitees, called in sick or had to attend another important meeting…

Ok, to show how much my mind was on the job at this planning day, I managed to send half a dozen emails to my best friend, arrange 2 test drives of new cars, spend 20 minutes talking to one of the lucky employees who avoided the dreaded planning day, and hid in the toilets as often as possible.

Only plus for the day?

They had lots of mints to chew and the food at lunch wasn’t too bad, had some nice vegetarian wraps and fresh fruit.

Apart from that I would have rather been tied naked over an ants nest in the middle of the desert!!! I would have even volunteered to go on a Japanese game show, had to be better.

Maybe I would prefer the planning day to this!

Here is an example of something I found just then as I searched for DE-motivational posters on my iPad, also while still at the planning day. And this one would be really funny and maybe I should hang over the toilets at my workplace… I’ve seen some funny sights there girls… But maybe not in my work unit as I’d have to look at it too.

Yep, nothing upsets us guys as people commenting on our equipment while we are doing the business, one of the advantages of being a woman, you get your own private cubicle…

So how did you go at Karma Gathering Capt.?

Well this week I think I deserve some credit for being unbelievably nice to my manager and the ‘motivational’ speaker today. Managed to stay there the entire day, didn’t insult anyone (in their hearing) and was nice to my arch nemesis and my boss (felt like being sick).

Maybe 5 points?

And I have volunteered to become a respite foster carer for disabled children. I still have to do the training course and pass the reference checks etc. But I think I should get some credit for just volunteering.

Maybe 20 points?

Rose has claimed only 5 points this week, so I ever so slowing catching up on Rose, maybe I could be reincarnated as a earwig by now.

Here I am, infesting my next victim…

Points Tally for week 18

   

Rose

The Capt.

Week No. Week Ending Rose’s Weekly Tally Rose’s Running Total Capt’s Weekly Tally Capt’s Running Total
10

30/05/2012

5

151

15

90

11

6/06/2012

10

161

10

100

12

13/06/2012

0

161

10

110

13

20/06/2012

20

181

20

130

14

27/06/2012

25

206

25

155

15

4/07/2012

200

406

50

205

16

11/07/2012

10

416

15

220

17

18/07/2012

10

426

20

240

18

25/07/2012

5

431

25

265

19

1/08/2012

5

436

20

285

You can read all about Rose’s efforts at http://butimbeautiful.wordpress.com/2012/08/01/the-karmic-challenge-week-19s-bloodthirsty-pensioner-strikes-again/

I’ve got to admire her for lasting the distance with her pensioner, I personally used to feel sick after listening to my dad’s war stories. But I still joined the army anyway.

Capt. Savage

(I’d rather see the end of the world before attending another motivational team building day)

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6 thoughts on “Bring on the Waterboarding!!! Week 19 in Karmaland (& my 95 post)

  1. I feel for you Cap – utter utter Bollox that kinda stuff.

  2. Picture of earwig awful!!! But otherwise, you’ve done great to survive, CS! Bloody management sit-ins! Thank god, no more of those for me (until they kick me back to the public service). Sack all the unhappy people..but would you really like to be sacked? xoxo

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